rantings

angry

2007-02-12T15:28:00.000+08:00

mood: sad, guilty, confused, stressed, burnt, tired, solitude

sat:
finally met dear after so so long
the feeling when seeing her outside the arcade
was so so nice
though it was only a short 3 hrs with you
thats the best i can ask for now
we didn't get to spend the night together
but i hope we'll have time alone
someday =)

2 more days only.
don't even know what will happen.
i made dear angry yesterday
went into an audi room
and the guy keep say me
like i know him
super stressed from my work till i scolded back
dear asked me stop
but i went on
she angry le =(
why am i so stupid
say only want dear happy
but always make her sad or angry
ARGH
feel so guilty now ><
tell me what to do...
and i have a new bro~ HAO aka trickser!
he's friendly man
and a nice guy too
turn out he is a good fren of ahbing my 'dear' too ^^
oh well. today last day of major projects
comp can collect anytime.
tink i go down tml or smth since i no school
all my things lost. hais....
all the effort i put in
nth going right
will you be there for me?

dear, sorry i mei you ting your hua
i know its i wrong
don't know what to do now
you seem so so angry
can anything be done ma?
=(
-broken

2 more days and i cant confirm anything
i think i've live much more than i supposed

laptop down

2007-02-09T16:37:00.000+08:00

what a start for the year
kinda suay le
my laptop burnt off
right before project submission
great. made me stay up whole night doing
got it in time
and now i'm fucking tired x.x
5 days hard to peii dear =(
hope tml when go bunk with dear
good things will happen bahs
i just don't know why
i keep have a bad feeling ><
save me ah....

lots things happen this past week
i'll get more updates once my comp is back
and projects are over
there goes my collections of
bleach, school rumber, naruto, death note
and many more =(
hope my information all can be retain
and retrieve
so many nice things inside ><

really aint feeling that well
so many bad things before the new year
went for shopping with yf on tues
got my new year stuff done
but i still want buy more
went to guang yin temple to pray
been some time since i went temple myself
to pray since i turned semi free thinker
but it doesn't kill to have someone
to pray to for blessings for yuor family
and loves one right? hahas
oh well. i forget to pray for myself
maybe thats why i became so suay T.T

5 more days but it doesn't seems anticipating
don't know why either
everyone is anticipating
but knowing what's ahead
i feel kind of bored off
sometimes i really wish for miracles
and i wonder will it come true
maybe its a blessing in disguise
even if its only a meetup for 5 minutes
i guess thats enough
for me to have spend a nice valentines
this year
as i said, there's always 365 days later =)
<3

thoughts 3

2007-02-05T13:32:00.000+08:00

i just aint myself at times
why am i so dumb?
if there's something i can say
that will be sorry.
1 more week. yet i cant hold it on
it seems blurry, the days ahead
i love blank entries.

that instant
i felt yet another blackout
am i missing out something important?
it really stinks to be reminded
that i'm nothing more than a
online one only
there are so many things that i don't know
and i keep tell myself
i've got to trust you
if i ever want something more than online
thats what keep me going
thats what kept my cool
if there's ever a need for me to be there
i'll never fail to say
'i still love you'
please trust me in everything you feel
i don't want to be stuck just there
i want to be your love
i want to be your everything
because right in me now
you're my everything
is it possible?
you said nothing is impossible
that's why i'm still trying
even after so many heartbreaks
please trust me

dreams - lex

one hell of a dream
a thousand of an answer
what comes will go someday
the dreams we once saw
the promises we once made
may be forgotten one day
all that are left are memories
memories that can be relieve
if we dare to dream

moving on with our lives
slowly our dreams become foggy
we tend to forget what we dream
while some fight on
to prove nothing is impossible
dreams are such wonderful thing
its up to you
whether will it come true
dreams will always be in my head
but reality
will always be in our lives
wake up and differentiate dreams from reality
you'll find the thousand of an answer
one day.

dreams..
----------------------------------------------
wo de mong xiang, jiu shi xiang xin
wo he ni, bu zhi hui zai mong xiang
erh shi zai xian shi

hha

2007-02-04T04:38:00.000+08:00

i let it out today
i'm so sorry
i just couldn't control
i'm bad
i'm evil
i did wrong things
why did i let the emotions
get to my head
everythings going in a big whirlpool
that i myself don't know if i've drown

i just don't know why the pain
get sharper each time
my friend say its cause i'm too deep already
tell me why does it have to hurt so much

sometimes i think
its better to face up to reality
cause i need to face it sooner or later
one shall not force thyself
go if you have to go
its better off than being hurt

santa would have come if
he granted my wish on xmas

vday coming

2007-02-02T11:05:00.000+08:00

yest really KO-ed myself
wanted to go for a nap at night
and wake up 30 minutes later to peii dear maple after she pq
in the end i got oh so tired
and slept
wake up gess wad time?
9.45 in the morning!
SHYT! and i rushed to school
cause got a project meeting at 11am
now i in school.
its 11am and non of them are here x.x
bad start for the day i supposed
dear, so sorry k! tonight sure peii you. =)
u get to my level then lets chiong together =D

hahas. and now this computer is F*cking noisy
reading out every word i type
cause of a stupid program
shit it. =.= now everyone knows what i typed *(@#&^(*@#
hahas. at least i entertained myself. XD
damm. i use cntrl-x and contrl-v
it goes cut.. paste =.=

12 more days or something?
hahas. so fast so soon yet i still have no clue
what is going to happen.
don't even know if the things can ever get out not
thats what they say by
preparing but not going to use
my friends all tell me
just ask others la!
better than not able to have a happy time on that day
not as though no one asked you
LMAO! but i don't know la
and exams smacked right after exams
so many things in my head
i just need something
just that something
and i know that can be my motivation to carry on

let love fly in the air

Valentines - Lex
confused mind
flowery heart
brave soul
captivated eyes
matching personality
fleeting moments
what will live bring
if i ever don't have you?
will you be mine
this valentine?

so soon, yet everything is clouded.
i'll hold on, just for you
waiting in bliss ^^

thinking

2007-02-01T09:36:00.000+08:00

after a night of thinking
i realise things are not so hard at all
for the sake of happiness
one shall not be so selfish
one shall control his emotions
i know i love you
if love could not return to me
i believe i'll be stronger the next time round

tell me you love me
tell me you've changed
tell me if you'll hold my hand
tell me that you feel
because of all things
i love you =)

on a lighter note: this 2 videos never fail
to make me stand on my toes. xD

KA2(JAM) vs KALEIDO STAR(JAM)

susumu(CH) vs　KALEIDO STAR(JAM)

dear, do you feel what i feel? =)

hurts

2007-02-01T00:55:00.000+08:00

it'll never change
what good will it be to make a difference?
no one can control another person's life
its their freewill
if you were'nt supposed to be that one on the line
you're never the one
accept it and face it
you'll grow stronger by experience

things can't describe
the things thats going thru me now
instead of security
doubts flooded the clouds
just wake me up from lalaland
and slap me to face reality
i hope i'm wrong this time
but its too much to take
not once but.....
oh well. i hope some things can save the day
ps: not powerpuff girls..

The Seasons Memories - lex

the flowers bloom
the nature rejoice
spring is here
and the land is green
i held on tight
enjoying the view from my heart
wishing i could be there
to see the wonderful sight
yet spring was not the season
i could have been there
if you wanted me to

came summer
where love was at the beach
the blazing sun
the rising tides
all i could do was to see you from afar
watching you partying through the crowd
getting close to you was hard
and all i could do
was to admire you from afar
sadly, summer cooled down
and its not the season
i could have been there
if you wanted me to

dropping leaves
yellow maple
those held the memories of who we are
i finally got to know you
but all seems so apart
we had some nice times together
and we swore to keep in contact
busy as we were
the autumm keeps my love alive
i blunted out 'i loved you'
all i get was the rushing leaves
which blured the sound
when can my words get to you?
slowly, autumm passed me by
it was not the season again
i could have been there
if you wanted me to

the hibernation came
raindrops, white snow
flakes were on us
i remembered the way you said
'thank you' when i wiped that raindop on your face
this time i held your hand in the rain
i hugged you through the cold night
i wanted you to know
how much i want to be by your side
but my tears hid in the rain
and there i was
standing in the cold season
watching you with another guy
i wanted to say those words once again
wishing you could come to my hugs again
i stood there waiting
but winter was not my season
i could have been there
if you wanted me to

the four seasons' memories
so much we held dearly
all i could do
was to make you smile
in exchange for nothing
nothing can describe
the hurts and memories i've gone through
but to know you're happy with your life
or maybe your boy
nothing beats me more than hearing you say
'thank you, you're my best friend'
i could have been there
if you wanted me to

i promise to be stronger
the next year round
the four seasons
brought me much more courage than i could imagine
the times we had, the jokes we laugh
the seasons' memories will take it to our death
i believe in this year's season
i'll be stronger
i could have been there
if you wanted me to
---------------------------------------------------------
pre-early happy valentines to all. =)

slap me from my dreams
wake me up to reality

1 month!

2007-01-26T16:50:00.000+08:00

happy 1 month dear!

so fast 1 month le
and we're still as loving as ever
i hope =/
really hope can spend 1st month tgt
however its ok either =D
as long as we remain tgt
anything is ok
i love you dear
and it will go on and on
cheers for our 1 month ^^

Our Special Kiss that seals us all~

blogging for fun

2007-01-23T12:30:00.000+08:00

ah there are still things going on
please ignore the blanl post
its just i'm too bored. =/
anyway, hope everything goes fine
i'm feeling super duper stressed out by everything
from work to everything

i heard somethings that really
made my heart 'died' for a moment
at that moment of time
i really felt that my world came crashing down
and now deep inside
i still feel the sense of loss in me
the words made me feel i lost the world
it made me feel i lost someone
whom is already no.1 in my heart
"but what can you do?" says kuro
and indeed, the odds aint to my liking
its not for me to decide
all i could do is to try my best
and yes, i think i'll hold on
there's nothing more in this world
that can turn my world a 360 degree
thats only one you now

its hard parting with someone
its hurts to miss someone you love so much
but cant feel them
cant even see them
my heart yearns to see you
each and every single day

will you love me
in the morning?
i hope one day
i'll really move you
thanks for making my life
so colourful =)
but the final things will be
as long as you're happy
it doesn't matter who you're with
all i want to see
is that smile on that face
and see you're being loved
like no one could ever love you more
ilu.
=)

blank 2

2007-01-22T17:57:00.000+08:00

somemore blank post.. ><

why am i still thinking so much
when kuro gave me those words
he said everything and it all makes sense!
but why do i still think so much?
i can't help it
kuro say its a test
and i really believe
will this make us stronger?

no lex
shijite
believe
everything will be worthwhile
don't care what other says
don't care what other do
you trust her, thats the best thing you can give
DUI BU QI DEAR~!
i doubted you for a moment
i just need some assurance
thats all i can ask for
i love you and there's only 1 girl i see now
and i hope
one day you'll tell me the same thing
i said here
=)

and thanks kuro for hearing me out
and giving me advices =)
sometimes i think
the person who always seems so far away
is actually the nearest to you

hee. if only i can change..

blank

2007-01-22T01:08:00.000+08:00

this shall be a blank post
to show how blank am i now :)

would it have helped?
viv told me to say everything
but i just couldn't
who am i to restrict someone?
i know its no use just saying but
ahhh.. maybe i need some jia jia liang teh
sometimes i really wonder
what more could i have done
sometimes i'm just frustrated about myself
why cant i contain feelings
and act like nothing happen?
i know its nothing more than fly
but why can't i just keep it in me?
why must i let it out?
i feel useless. lex go _|_ the wall..

but come to say
of all people. why must it be him
and why must it be l***k**?
i don't know what to say le
even before this thing
i fcuking hate him to the core
and lucky after 2 months
it starts to vanish
but it fcuking comes back now
of all people... i don't mind who who
just WHY MUST IT BE HIM! ><

not that i don't trust
i believed in
只要你开心，什么都可以
but why~~~~~~ NANDE~
why must you always come and disturb me?
have we crossed paths in the end?
tell me what i should do now
my audi skills improving
my projects piling
my friends pushing me
exams fail like a donkey
and shit stuff keeps raining on me
hais. i'm lost
i just need to share my things out to
thanks viv for listening to me
and supporting me ^^
seriously, milo is damm a lucky guy too ^^
you rock my ass _|_er~! =)

haha~ but maybe i should look on the brighter side
dear is truthful to me
everything tell me. =)
and i really feel appreciated
nothing beats more than a kiss, a hug, and a <333
i love you dear..
its a blessing in disguise ^^
if loving you aint enough
i'll love you even more.

ps: why must ppl be such thick skin?

tada~ end of a stone post. shall stone more
it helps like fcuk!
nights peeps. hope these troubles
can be cleared by ur assurance. =)
off to maple. nights world~

ps: friends, if you know something you shouldn't
please don't say out anywhere, esp on tags
thanks <3 ones. =)

到底我的心里想的是什么。

miss

2007-01-19T16:50:00.000+08:00

its been 1 day since i talked to dear
but it seems like a thousand days =(
she's working for her dad
and today also ><
awwwww....
i miss you dear

everything's piling up and i hope
i can push myself
so many deadlines.
i need a breather
and i haven shop for my new year stuff
who want peii me go shop? :3
ROFL!

i think i should play less audition now
and finish up my projects
but its like 17k to back up T.T
strictly no tagging for me!
and i feel lousy now
my 8k sucks, my 4k sucks
my chance sucks
my beat up sucks
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh~ my audition form is going down!
damm~ lesson ending. shall update later
tomorrow is the groove battle
but i never join
because i think i don't have the qualities
if only i'm stronger. =(

and the 'matter' is still bothering me
i need assurance. ><
cakee's word still lingering in my head
had a good talk with GWISBH (last time known as GWSPSCHB)
told her many things that's in me
for quite sometime. ^^
i feel better mans! thanks GWISBH!
i will treasure her de! dun worry.
and you better treat milo well mans!
and hope he treats u well too
if not you two can SGeorgeBush'sD!
ROFL! =D

i asked most guys and all afgree with me
do you guys think so too?
- guys need assurance
- guys need security
- guys need care and pampering at times too

awwww. =D love all guys arnd me
esp nana ^^ love you dear <33333333

haha

2007-01-17T11:25:00.000+08:00

i always wanted to update
but i'm so preoccupied by stuff. hahas.
oh well nth much
punked yang fong that its valentines on satuday
damm funnie. you shld see his expression
when he called his girlfriend
and wished her valentines
+ how he panicked when his oh not prepared
and heard how we prepared
damm whacky la that day
all thanks to me and kenneth. LMAO

audition like mad too.
npe-ed all the way
hacking =x ROFL! i'm like super rich la
but lotsa stupid clothing and everything
yawns. projects are piling
but i'm not in the mood
someone save me

life has been great with dear arnd =D
but its been more than a week
since i last saw her
i miss her so so much la
wannt see you soon =(
awwwwww.... its ok..
wanted to go shopping today
but dear too lazy
want sleep thru whole day
and she's feeling sick too
so oh well. some other times =D
its ok. wo deng ^^

me and dear in aud

when i was super bored in school..

damm i shld start on my forum siggy
and me and dear de poster
and make a new blog
and all my projects!
damm~ i'm feeling weak again
someone fill up this solitude in me =(

[edit 2]
i've cleared all the words
i typed in the morning
but i wont delete off the line
thats shown below
be glad i'm someone who is forgiving
and still.....
[look below]

YOU FUCKING DISGUST ME

and i aint feeling any better.
[/edit2]

<3 u lots dear! can you feel wad i feel?
wo hui xiang xin ni de ^^

nana

2007-01-12T14:10:00.000+08:00

weets. i feel improvement already
but i somehow feel its improvement at the wrong place
someone kill me with an axe?
i'm slacking real hard in my work and i know
but somehow i have no motivation to move on
i'm letting many people down
but on the other hand
i hope me and dear got better
after some incident happen
i think we got to know each other more
thats the type of things i always wanted?

listen to cakee's meii advice and everything
everything's nice now
i just hope i can manage my time better.
and i failed WAD badly
and i just realised i missed my C&E project
fuck. no one told me
and i plain forgotten
someone save meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i feel so kukubird lahs!
i feel so noob =(
awwww. lucky, there's dear and so many people
still with me.
i'm glad that i lived. =)

Line of the month: SMD la! _|_

LMAO!

dear

2007-01-08T04:56:00.000+08:00

hahas. cleared alot things with dear
hope that pulled us closer. ^^
though a little hurting at first
but hahas. no prob. xD
i'll overcome it as i said
too heavy to let you go just like that =D

seriously i really dunno wad to say le
many things running through my mind now
how can i leave him out of the picture
i dunno how long it will take
but i know this road will be long and windy
many obstacles to go through
many sacrifices
don't even know if i can make it to the end not
but for you i'll try

dear if you ever reading my post de
dunno got not,
i wan to say, wad i say all in msn
mei you pian guo ni de. =)

i'll be posting audi pictures soon.
get ready for some pictures mania! ^^

love

2007-01-07T05:20:00.000+08:00

what can be more happier than
a simple love?
jian dan ai
a relationship of trust and everything
i really hope so ^^
sometimes i wonder if human does not have
jealousy this feeling
what will the whole be?
sometimes i will jealous if someone
gets very close with deardear
or if deardear very close with someone
but often i told myself
i must trust dear
and i'm glad i did
nothing can describe how much i feel for you now =D

and i almost cried cos dear said this
so sweet la! ^^

ps: we were talking abt dens (audition $$)
notice: sweet content ahead. not for the broken hearted =x

``. -[[ xiaolex ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || glamarous dayz || dear wo ai ni ^^ x 让我做你快乐的种子 x says:
why so little?!?
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
ben lAI jiu so lil le
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
lol
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
cus i buy the couple tee
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
n ugg shoe
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
and 50k the omg face
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
LOL
``. -[[ xiaolex ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || glamarous dayz || dear wo ai ni ^^ x 让我做你快乐的种子 x says:
sorry dear. T.T
``. -[[ xiaolex ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || glamarous dayz || dear wo ai ni ^^ x 让我做你快乐的种子 x says:
make u no $$
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
NOnono
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
its nice
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
really
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
its worth =D
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
esp wen couple with u
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
=)
``. -[[ xiaolex ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || glamarous dayz || dear wo ai ni ^^ x 让我做你快乐的种子 x says:
^^ <33333
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
couple with no couple tees
``. -[[ ♥ nana - ]] .``_ ♀ 我爱你 ♂ - :* || <3 nana lvl 二十二 amateur guild : H.O.R.N.Y - - x 我要快乐 x 《完》 says:
r nt couple =D

awwwwwwwwwww. LOL <3
thats what we do late at night (woops early morning)
hahas.
and dear, i can feel for the moment
i'm not the sweetest and stupidest guy in the world.
i'm the luckiest guy in the whole universe. =)

so wish i could make it before 14/2 =D

new year

2007-01-03T04:47:00.000+08:00

oh well. its the new year already. 2007 fast.
x.X so many things happened.
met alot of new friends
know alot of new people
life is great but school reopening
i mean REOPENED x.X
hahas.
i'm kinda flowy now
but i dunno what to think

i got an audi dear le. hahas
nana my dear =D and i love her lots
spent new year with the tutu hse gang
but this time nana dear oso there
i feel damm good really
spending the new year with someone you love
i really miss 010107 very much
dear i wonder when that day can come true again
=D

i really dunno how to feel now
one moment i can be so happy
but the next moment. hais
xin shi mei ren zhi
dear, wo hao xiang he ni zai yi qi
dunno how to say
but when i'm with you
i feel so myself
i just love being with you
i want to see you again
i want to hug you again
lock my hands with you
and say 'i love you' once again
wonder when will that day come again
^^
i hope i wont get jealous so easily. x.X

xmas

2006-12-26T02:26:00.000+08:00

yeah merry xmas. oh well
hahas. christmas is the same as every year
orchard and spray.
fights at cine outside. HAHA
spray ah neh
and more ah neh
ah neh
ah neh
ah neh
ah neh
ah neh

HAHAHA! damm la.
but this yr kinda different
went to tutu hse to ton with the other guys
ray went with us. LOL
damm funnie when we try find his house.
cardiff groove and conway groove are neighbours
we hit cardiff groove but scared lost
den backtrack.
LOLS! when we finally were shown the way, we realised if we walk up,
we would have reached tutu's hse 1hr earlier. =.=
LOL!
but ok la. what a christmas
oh well. maybe i'm fated for this type of christmas ^^
i'll make another resolution =D
hope 2007 will be a better year

never had a dream come true. never had a dream so near
what more can i do
to show whats more than loving you

sun

2006-12-21T15:23:00.000+08:00

when was the last time you were 1 step late?
do you ever regret being that close to reality
but realised if only you did it earlier?
sometimes its just timing
you'll never see how much you've lost
till you realised that you're just that 1 step away
we've lost dearest around us
so please don't regret making a love confession
if you really love that person
love sees no eyes
it sees no borders
love is beautiful ^^

ps: von sis! if you ever see this, i never go for camp! come on! jio me out! ><
+ i only got xmas present for you. no birthday. sorry. T.T its a little one though. T.T

2006-12-18T12:17:00.000+08:00

i made a kind of big decision somewhere
i've decided to withdraw from my project team
not that i'm irresponsible or something
but i realised i've got too much commitments to carry on
i'm glad my members and rick took this with respect
thanks guys, this made me feel so nice
even though its guilt
i'm scared to pull the project team down,
so i think its better for me to withdraw

that means i need to rush a project in two weeks
hmm. heck care. christmas soon here anyway..
i've bought some christmas prezzie for ma friends
count yourself lucky that i am in the mood to buy xmas prezzie k!
nothing much either too
level 22 on audition?
my noob acc now level 7. yawns....
OTC is coming soon too and i'm not so excited. ><

right end of my life. ^^
somehow many things changes so quickly
funny how love can come and go so fast too
i was still wondering the things we said
but i realised everyone would not want to not be loved
its a more of glad than anything else in me now
maybe the move i made is good afterall
its for everyone's wellness
because i know my limitation of how much i can give
and now, as i see, i'm glad i've gone that way
no regrets and even more so,
i'm happy cos you're happy too! ^^

omedatou, watashi no taisetsuna tomodachi.. =)

oh carry me through
this cold december rain
whip me through my fears
drench me through my heart
what will always left behind
will be a torch
of an undying heart
-lex

update

2006-12-14T03:41:00.000+08:00

yawns
i've turned 21 in audition
which means i'm an amateur dancer!
yay?
that also means i must start to chiong my project
sians. can't i have a break
grrr
few days of rest
and back to work. =D
why am i even putting =D there! ZZZ
and V3! when will you come out! T.T
oh well
gotto noe a new fren called, xiulian
LOLS. she's my ahgirlll now. lols.
anyway nice to meet htp, tempted, hamster
hao, zeadreamon, bal, angel, james, xiaostar,
belin, jer, lona, and so many la!
lols. i <3 you guys
may god bless
and i'll be away in camp on 21-23
miss me guys. =)

toodles to the world. christmas is the same again. =)

3/4 done

2006-12-08T17:34:00.000+08:00

yay! finally friday!
a little rest for the weekends
and term tests next week!
i'm kind of glad i've finished most of my projects
WAD - done!
C&E - done!
HCI presentation - done!
Clinton's deliverables - 1/2

wooo~ i feel kinda relax
but i know this holiday will not be smooth going. ><
i'm left with 1 more project
MEDIA LAW. ZZZZ
words words and more words. LOLS
oh well, life will be going on
though i feel a ton of workload off
i'm feeling kinda shagged and worn out
due to doing projects && wake up early && aud. =X
lols! oh well
gotta get my saturday sleep in tml! ^^
woooo~! may this sem pass quickly
i can't wait for OTC and FOC/FOW!
students who plan to make it to TP,
PLEASE JOIN THE PRE-SCHOOL CAMP!
FOC/FOW!
ask me for more info.
its been a long time since i changed my blog song
shall change to a larc en ciel song.
god bless.
PS: it took me 4 bulletin before that dudubun finally saw it. T.T
grats again!

i sit upon the window, thinking of something
i know i shouldn't be thinking
it will never come true
somehow or rather
there's something in me
that i don't even know.

wooo

2006-12-07T09:05:00.000+08:00

WAD to be handed up on friday
C&E to be handed up on friday
i'm so luckyi had my CMSK2's interview last week
some deliverables to be handed up on friday
FRIDAYS
its supposed to be a very nice day
as the weekends are here
but i just can't stop thinking la!
monday to wednesday is term test week
everyone would be enjoying then
only me and my teammates will be chionging yet another project
yawnsssssss
i'm addicted to aud lahs i got to admit
but somehow or rather i can have the control
of doing my work first before playing. XD

ahhhh. my life sounds wrong now
i hate poly life now
just this period
so stressful.
DMV3 coming soon 11Dec
2nd day of my term test. HAHA
i'm level 20 now. damm. ameteur please. ><

i told yiting abt something a day night ago.
hmmm. i cant believe still la
that such a thing happened
oh well. maybe is my willing part too
but i got to say
its addictive and enjoyable la
damm la~ its wrong i know
but i yearn for a second try now. ><
saveeeeeee meeeeeeeeeee

super tired now. shouldn't play audition so much
and suet ps me last night
say want play. say who don't play not jj or dd anymore
yeah. u not my jj anymore le. =x
hahahas~ siansss lahs! need to chiong le
and law is as talking as ever
yawnssssssss
saveeeeeee meeeeeeeeeee

tourney

2006-12-03T03:20:00.000+08:00

its been a long time since i update so here it goes
alot things happen
i also don't know what to think now
so many things going through my head
till its all so clouded
projects are piling up
i just fell sick a few days back
got better today
bahs~ nth much seriously
just some project submission and everything
my cmsk2 interview went well
teacher said i'm well prepared (like real)
and say i'm not too shy nor over confident
+ i "sell" myself well.
a high B and A for the parts i get
and a little dock of marks on my hair. T.T

other than that i'm glad i made it through this week
today (sat) is kinda good day
went to audition competition. LOLS
i won the novice catergory! =x haha
lucky i started my acc a few days back
stayed up till 4am to get my char
frm level 4 to 6. wooo~
in the end first
the last game is madness
perfect and chain battle between me and sig???
so jing zhang. LOLS
got 5 ppc and some vouchers
the best part
lucky draw i get anothet ppc!
LOL! and my friends were like cursing me
now i'm the guy with 6 ppc. T.T
hahas. dun beat me guys
nice day too ^^

grats to Kuroshi and xTouran for getting
1st and 2nd respectively in the open cat. =)

hmmm. wad clothes should i change to now. =x

trust?

2006-11-21T01:09:00.000+08:00

Death is the Only Way Out - Lex

I walked through the rain

Jumping onto the paddles of water
unready for the bright sun later
sleeping through the rain will be nice too, i thought
trying my best to hide my tears

None of my calls would be answered
even if the world would fall
even if I'm the only one left
death would be the only way out

as i walked futher through the rain

Little did i know i reached her house
indecisiveness roamed over me
thinking what will I do when I see her
thoughts of you can just make melt
love was the word i can say
eternity, endlessly

Trusting my own instinct
rampaging through the rain
urge of seeing you drives me on
stopping in front of your door
trying to call your name

Further and further i went
running through the rain
only I knew what was in my heart
meddling through the affairs of my heart

You are the one that changed me
one and only one
unchanged by time

I don't know what else I can do
staining my hands with what i nv thought i will ever do

Tell me that love was meant to be
heighten by the time we shared
amplified by the kiss we sealed
taking us to yet another level

So will we make it there
or will all be just a dream

Have i lost my sight
and my feelings?
raging headache breaks me into pieces
death the only way out

----------------------------------------
what will happen in the future?
stressed out by work
KNS i hate school life
ZZZ

-----------------------------------------

hidden words yet again
some people see it just once
some people takes time
but i guess its the only way
i'll get to say what i wanna say
in a none ming xian way
take care world...

thoughts 2

2006-11-15T12:08:00.000+08:00

there was once a guy who was so bad in everything
never had he ever did something good
he was a jack of all traits
master of none
but luckily, he always stood strong by his beliefs
that one day he'll get want he wanted
many brushes with luck
many opportunity with fate
yet none ever did it
and so he decided to turn to the stars
thinking thats the only shining thing upon the skies
he hoped that the stars can watch over him
giving him brightness and direction
whenever he is lost

and yes, the stars showed him
and lead him to who he is now
strong in mind, power in his world
and so he wanted to share the starry night
to someone he treasures
and the person will be
michy. =)

when you are down
look at the stars
right in between them
would be me
bringing you through your darkest day
showing you the direction
and you'll never have to say
"i'm lonely once again"

thanks mich

2006-11-13T02:13:00.000+08:00

thanks. its been a wonderful night
i hope there'll be more to come
if ever there was a time turner,
i would have made this day earlier
thanks for everything
i had one of the best days ever
i haven't experience stuff for a long time
believe in what the heart says
till then, i pray for eternity

Wishing stars - Lex
as i sit by the window pane
i counted the stars that were shining
up across was a breathtaking sight
as i looked back on how far i came
i realise i would have nothing
if there weren't you
i wouldn't have came this far

oh wishing stars
make my prayers come true
as i pray by the window pane
i hope my love would never pain
oh wishing stars
make my wishes come true
as i hold on to her hand
we will walk right to the end

as i slept on your bed
there you were
cuddling next to me
we chatted through the starry night
laughing through all our right
these are our youth
these will become our memories
someday i believe
we can make all our wishes come true

oh wishing stars
make my prayers come true
as i pray by the window pane
i hope my love would never pain
oh wishing stars
make my wishes come true
as i hold on to her hand
we will walk right to the end

bring me to a higher level, take me to a higher scale
if it were'nt for you, i would have been still wondering

clubber

2006-11-10T16:48:00.000+08:00

time to update
gosh i'm having quite some fun with what
i doing now
though i know kinda bad, but i'm loving it
i'm being myself. =D
other than the tough projects and schoolwork,
i'm breezing thru things
i didn't know its so easy. ><
oh well. but i have to let things take time
i believe one day i'll make it there. =)
i've been spending $$ like a bai jia zhi these days
someone stop me!
i'm officially 18! hu wants go club pls jio me! ><
hahahahahas~

other news, i'm level 16 in audition
that means... I'M A CLUBBER! WOOO~!
but my skills still sucks.

fastest song: 145 at comfortable FM
chance fastest song: 142 at level 9 (occasionally miss)
8k fastest song: 110 ><

yeah. wad a lousy clubber i am. >< time to improve!
gosh am i flirting now? who knows? LOL!
take care everyone!
off to bunk!
may the world remain in peace. ^^

am i doing right? all i want is simplicity..

happy birthday to me

2006-11-06T14:25:00.000+08:00
051106
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

ok. this post is just thanks... ^^
by kind of order...
thank you nor, xiang, virus, fuzi, yf to wish me happy birthday first
von sis, suet, nic bro, knnth, layyen, cloudie, yuki baby, chris, cost jie
charlene, joy aud stead ^^, sherry, melody darling, winston,
christie, samantha darling, mikki, cheeze, jingy, xiaozhu, liting, starz,
christina, yuer, josefyn, kell, shin, shengtat, rice, shuan, bryan,
xiaofaith, ruby meii, yiting, ray, josh bro, xiaoboy, baobei, yeeping, xinyu, xiaotoot, promiliek, daddy, mummy, sister, kelvin, sky, eileen, candy,
elaine honey, tingting, jol, junrong, alex, cheekeen....

so many. if i leave anyone out tell me k? ^^

and thanks suet and knnth for your bento. =D

however, i'm kinda sad cos those who i tot will remember did not.
after everything. and no you guys did not even wished me.
i cant have every friend here with me.
but at least, i hope you guys knew how i felt.

060506
happy birthday cherriann ahgirl. =) smile k!
pretty babe!

baby, ni ting de dao ma? =(

yuki

2006-11-04T05:01:00.000+08:00
hmm. looking right. it shows
less than 18hrs odd
gosh.. so fast. 1 year just passed.
anyway

031106
happy 18th bday norman bro!
041106
happy 18th birthday cost jie! ^^

i'm kinda glad my friends can make it down for me.
i dun mind getting the buahs and everything
to me, everyone have fun, everyone enjoys
its my greatest wish
and those who i want to see,
hope they can come. =D
at least thats my simple wish for to come true eh?
my resolution won't come true already
so just hope this simple wish can. =)
make it come true can? my friends?

i wanted to spend this birthday with someone
someone who i can forsake the world and just be with her
its still not yet confirmed
but somehow i hope you can make it. =)
nights world
mayb november be a light to shine for everyone

lex blesses you. =)

tears

2006-10-31T10:35:00.000+08:00
why do the world of my friends
treat me so good
so good that i don't want to grow up
why
when i feel so down they are here
suet jie, xiia0zhu, baobei, baby, everyone, von sis
they bother to care
why am i so fortunate to have you guys
what did i do to have you guys in my life
remembering me, conforting me
loving me
as though i'm a taisetsu na tomodachi
i don't worth all these
after all the sins i did
after all the lies i told
all the trouble i did

why are you guys here

i really love you guys
don't want you guys to go
not forgeting my brothers, my online friends
everyone arnd me
thanks for being here for me
some may not even remember me anymore
but lex really is happy
that you guys passed by me already
thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks.
thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks.
thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks.
thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks.
thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks. thanks.

when i am so that bad

birthday

2006-10-31T10:22:00.000+08:00
Till The End of Time - lex

stain in my heart
cut deep into the soul
what you left me
was just some shattered dreams
you made me believe
in my world, its just you and me
now that the black clouds pass
you leave me here

oh girl, what could i have done
oh girl, what could i have say
we were once the couple people envy
i will forgive the things you do
the foolishness and playfulness
i'll be here with you
till the end of time

its been just days since we met
but the memories we shared
will be forever engraved
i gave the world to you
in exchange for that little piece of you
will you be a changed person
for the return of what we had
will you start anew
and say those words 'i love you'
once again?

oh girl, what could i have done
oh girl, what could i have say
we were once the couple people envy
i will forgive the things you do
the foolishness and playfulness
i'll be here with you
till the end of time

and then my heart quavered
showering down the face of earth
as i gave that world yet to another girl
will that girl
give me the world of hers
i broke down to the depth of the ocean
only to find my heart broken into pieces
please mend my heart
to the girl, that will be appearing in my dreams

oh girl, what could i have done
oh girl, what could i have say
we were once the couple people envy
i will forgive the things you do
the foolishness and playfulness
i'll be here with you
till the end of time

-----------------------
some people want a noisy birthday bash
but to me
i just want it to be romantic
with the girl of my world =)

may my wishes to the world lovers come true

=(

2006-10-26T17:16:00.000+08:00
why... tell me why...
i really don't know what should i do anymore
why have opportunity appear everytime yet i won't say yes?
why? am i so stupid? can nothing help me?
hais.. i really wish to say yes
yet i don't want to disappoint myself
tell me how?
i really scared of regretion
is it wrong? hais....
if only i know the answer
may time tell everytime
i still feel dumb

slash my wrist
bye world

i want. i really want but... hais... tell me first...

hahaha

2006-10-25T13:24:00.000+08:00
went back to audition
seems like no one is tricksteriing now
2nd job doesn't seems to appear either
yeah. went back aud
ao many new things. buddy system is here also! ^^
met alot of new friends again. =D
xiia0zhu, jan, eileen, tim and many many other cool peeps
i just started learning 8k. ^^
when i can 8k 120 le, i'll learn 8k chance. ^^
woots~ but i need to juggle my studies too
no way my gpa will drop this sem.
yep. currently quite satisfied with things
just that i know there's a project submission on week 5
- -" thats like so fast. ><
thats poly life i think.
and i realise i speak chinese too much! NOOOOO!
speak more english, speak more japanese!
yeah. 10 more days~ countdown ah~~
see which of my sec school friends still remember. =P
so many scorpio friends. LOLS!
oh well. xiia0zhu, you better dun say out k!
its not like i tell everyone what that is!
=D
oh well, take care world, i hope things changes somehow
till den, bye~

will this year be a change? will my resolution
come true in the end? something i look forward to. =D

little update

2006-10-23T14:49:00.000+08:00
school reopen already
singapore's school holidays are starting though
dammit. why must our holidays be different
HAHA. oh well. life's like that
ain't enthu for school though
i wonder when will education ends
its so tiring

can't wait for my birthday and christmas
however i don't feel the electricity if my birthday
it will be some like the same every year
to the arcade or something
how i wish... there are things to look forward
or to be with.
yawning while waiting for class to start
feel like sleeping

oh well. nothing much le.
will update sometime
will you be mine?
i hope for my birthday
or latest before christmas. =(

futari wa isshoni ; sekkai no tameni

huh?

2006-10-21T04:16:00.000+08:00
yiting ask me to blog something more happy
and i was thinking
what is true happy?
seriously 18 years soon, i only found real happiness twice
one is that i can be tgt with my 2nd ex (now its only memories =D)
and another one, is when i appreciate my family and friends
from my heart
what more could make me real happy?
i thought for it for awhile
and its the 2nd one that can replace my 2nd
blur? HAHA
oh well... forget it.
looks like its a lonely birthday and festive season ahead again
=D i'll get used to it somehow
oh well.....
till then nights world..

would you take my hand, and let me kiss you gently?

happens always

2006-10-20T04:21:00.000+08:00
things always happen and i wonder why
many things i don't know myself
what do i really want in life?
can these things be erased from me?
i knew i did something wrong
i knew it all along
but maybe it just didn't work out
back to the old me i guess
that suits me best
but my inner darkness still yearn
till then
i still walk alone...
=)
nights world

stead?

2006-10-17T16:02:00.000+08:00
i'm settling down? like finally?
i don't know myself either. but i hope it turns out fine
don't ask me much
maybe its the inner side of me
they say being attached is stressful
like having something to tie down. no freedom and stuff
i can start to feel it now
but nonetheless, scorpio always wanted love
its been close two years already. maybe a new start
would do me good or something
i'm getting rusty on such stuff
used to be dr love or something with ashley bro
HAHA~ those were the crappiest days
thinking of romantic stuff and things that can jio a girl
now, i'm all rusty. LOL!
oh well~ hope tml everything turns out fine
lex, maybe this year, your resolution do come true
and the last minute. =D
<3

did i mention? i'm at level 62 on trickster. ^^
bye world~

lag of update

2006-10-16T14:04:00.000+08:00
sorry guys for the lag of update.
was busying chionging my game. =x
cos the deadline is on the 17 in US time
finally finished it so can update
shall update from now on ok? =D hahas

many things still happening and i'm caught spinning
i know what i'm doing now is so so wrong
but i can't help it. is this the real me?
there are things that you know its wrong
but still people want to try it. why?
tell me, what's wrong with me?
i'm confused, i'm mad
i'm a bastard. >< can anything cure me?
sooner or later, i'll be labelled as bastard or smth
but i can't help it. is this what i really am
or is this a scorpio traid?
hais........................................

end of ma update.
shall come back soon
miss you bloggy.

promise that you'll <3 me like you never do

update

2006-10-11T16:42:00.000+08:00
ok. level 48 in trickster. =x
chiong like alot? cause this event ending. =(
so need hit 61 in like 3 days time. can de i believe.
what have i been doing?
i don't know. i feel so diff. as though something changed me
i'm another person now
sometimes i feel so bastard. i feel so .... ARGH
what is happening to me? is this the real me?
i hope not. =( life changes a peson really alot.
oh well. i gotta get myself back soon
after this feng kuang shi jian~
till den~
there goes my little update world

believe in something that won't happen = miracle

abadon

2006-10-09T13:52:00.000+08:00
i know i've been abondoning my blog so...
tada~ i'm here to update. LOL
this blog is kinda quiet liao. no one comes, no one go. xD
but i just suddenly have the mood to blog?
the indonesians burners should really burn themselves
cause the super duper thick haze.
machiam at genting when i came out of my house
of cause it different cause its bad air. ><
had a sore throat on fri and sat. sun subsided cause no haze
met cost jie on sat. she complained it was super sian. - -
she met my friends than after eating go walk walk.
girls shopping is really shopping. not like me window. xD
jie complain tired then bring her go mrt station.
met suet jie then we go arcade meet back my friends
stayed home sunday. aud awhile but i'm rusty. can't chance 120 le. =(
then trickster all the way. up 13 levels?!?
because my fun part time! time to own!
ok i'm sneezing now. which ass is missing me so much! =x
ok. gtg. take care world
especially south-east asians
the haze is &@*#(@#*@#()@$&@*#@ bad. xD
ja~

fdhgdsfd

2006-10-06T12:40:00.000+08:00
seldom aud now
trickster yesterday. the only medicine i have
yeah. i rant abt how boring it is
but i still play. don't know why.
my phone's kinda quiet nowadays. so i started sms ppl! ^^
hahas! damm. bring me back to aud. maybe i'll only play at bunk.
hahas! n level people! jia you! last day le! =D
next will be o levels. i can remember mine though
spending my pathetic 16th birthday taking a maths paper.
but that was a friday. so went arcade straight at 10am
the uncle still so fucked up. =x
asked me for IC cause its earlier than 6pm.
happily showed him mine cause i'm 16! xD
tada~ level 24 on trickster? slow~~~~~ hahas. i go in also slack
no mood aud either. meii jio me play.
first round 140+ i sian diao le. then whole time no mood
lazy move fingers also. only hope to catch fm~ LOL
yada~ shall find something to do. i want to watch school rumble 2!
season 1 rocks! and i can't wait! till den...
take care world!

you were my everything

thoughts

2006-10-05T04:50:00.000+08:00
be what you want to be
do what you want to do
think what you want to think
act what you want to act
let things be the way you always wanted
if its meant to be like this
no matter how you twist and turn
it'll end up just like how fate wants it to be
no matter how many rants you can have
no matter how much sorrows you kept in you
no matter how dishonest you are to reality
one thing remains
the truth will always be the truth
no one can write fate
no one can predict the future
one can only fight for themselves
what goes round comes round
someday, you'll find someone
you really look for
you're good by nature and nice looking by birth
someday, your prince will arrive
no need ask people look for you
you are what you are
you are special to yourself and to the other one
may love bless on you

fuck that flirt thing. thats how people think eh? great.

nice day

2006-10-05T01:40:00.000+08:00
outing with mum
she accompany me go dental. =D
my teeth is clean! ^^ LOLS!
den we went bank do transaction.
we ate fish and co. damm nice and full!
tell you guys. when i say full its FULL! DAMM!
she pay. =D then go catch movie. stay alive
she pay. =x LOLS. she say treat me. thanks mum!
nice show in my opinion. 4/5 popcorns! =D
hate the night i'm having. super duper boring
yeah. trickster. now waiting aud see can log in not
ruby meii suddenly say. kor lets compete. ><
LOLS. so never mind lor. lazy level trickster too.
guns are so fucked up. so now waiting and blogging.
its been like 3 days? i wonder how are you
hahas. i'm still not kinda used to it though
but who cares. xD i'm feeling ok right now
thats the most important things. but i need more entertainment!
ARGH
nites world

someday, when my life has pass me by...

omgwtfbbq

2006-10-03T04:09:00.000+08:00
talked to larry in the morning cos i saw him
at bunk on sunday
he mistook yiting was my gf? OMGWTFBBQSPIDERMAN
lols. he couldn't regconise me. T.T
oh well. YOU BETTER DO NOW! =D
audition in the afternoon, trickster at night
didn't went out. not in the mood either
tmr some repair guy coming to fix my dad's comp
and i need to be at home
can go out only after he left?
@*(^#&*@$^@#@
lols. its ok. i don't think have the mood either
this few days kinda quiet too. xD
everyone busy mugging or chionging online game.
lols. i'm the slack one here
school reopening on 25th oct. thats like so fast. ><
my birthday is coming soon too *points to the counter*
LOL. oh gosh. wonder this year birthday is how
candy said want to kope a keychain for me! *honoured*
hahas. i wonder what other surprises also
oh well. my 18th birthday. LOL
can't wait for 18. more entertainment le. ^^
wed got... DENTAL APPOINTMENT?!? lols. clean teeth. =D
hope this week will be good. =D
jia you to joy, candy, joanne, louis
and every nlevel candidates out there
do your best, it will end very fast. just like my o's. =x
hahas. till then..
nites world

it's a lonely road out there

bunk again

2006-10-02T15:08:00.000+08:00
lack of update. wasn't very keen on blogging too
anyway, started trickster and now
i'm level 15! but...... i've got smth to say...
MY JOB SUCKS! level 15 fighting level 7 de mobs
cos no money buy the ammo for my gun. SO DULAN!
but my job is supposed to be attack siao
the DMG is OT"L one. LOL
so in front xing ku nvm. LOL
ok la. yest went to bunk to play with yiting
met her yesterday also.
i on form sia. =x
go there dun waste time. LOL
quickly find room
found a random fast one
den played abt 15 games
5 games were big games
all i won. XD $$ and exp. WOHOOO!
got one still x4 den de game. another x3. wahahas!
2 games earn 1k+ le. LOLS
den she very 'I HATE LEX!!'
LOL! now anything below 135 is comfort le
still need train 135~ de songs. xD
ya nth much le
come back trickster awhile. HAHA!
begone my troubles

what is yours, will be yours

trickster

2006-09-30T12:46:00.000+08:00
decided to start trickster after peer pressure. =x
LOLS. so many of ma friends ask me play
i've turned freedom on aud too though
now waiting for most of my friends to turn too
wonder how long will that take.
shall play a little bit of trickster or something
such a bad week for me
LOLS
gonna wasure all the unhappy mono like kenneth!
he's going bian tai on guitar.
BTH! =x
alright. nothing more to update
everything sounds the same
couldn't care less
shouldn't bother more
everything thats karma
mine's now
blame it on my no tolerance(?)
bye world

its just been 1 day, yet it feels like a hundred years

38294ijwkf

2006-09-29T14:19:00.000+08:00
i'm okay after a good night sleep!
omg! hahas!
looks like sleeping helps! =)
sleep more. hee
nth to say
enjoy the day world~
^^
congrats to JOY fro graduating! lol.

wei she me

2006-09-29T01:46:00.000+08:00
is there a need to do it?
i'm kinda disappointed(?) and sad(?)
i don't know how to feel
i don't know what to feel
if i am not supposed to be there
just tell me
seriously, i didn't know how things got like this
and nope, i do not blame you
somehow i just feel stupid of myself

i don't know what to say now
is this how a friend is treated?
if you hated me
i rather you say so
i'm there because i want to
i'm there because i love you
i'm there because i need you
but must you just do that?
how hurt it was
i felt as though i've lost another friend
it felt as though you didn't want me anymore
yeah, i love you
must you treat someone you don't like as though they are supposed to be there?
its not your fault actually
who ask me like you
but.. but...
suan le.. i'm actually just someone you can't accept

everytime when you need me, i'm always there
but when you have your friends and your love
i'm as though not even worth to be your friend
you don't know how to treat everyone equally
i know this
at least tell me you want play with them only
i'll just go
really. its just
you said lets play together
in the end you left me alone out there
i really don't know what to do
i love you. yet i cannot angry with you
once i do, i may not even have the chance to talk to you
how helpless i was
i guess. your love was never meant to reach out to mine
to him: you better treat her well
since you want me not to distrub you
i guess i shouldn't be that thickskin
i'll wait again till someday you'll want me back again.
i'll keep the memories for now
looks like you and him
yeah. everything sounds couple enough. =)
i've done my part
i'll still be at the back waiting
no matter how much rants i could make

why must it always hurt so much?

jealous

2006-09-29T00:07:00.000+08:00
HAHA
i'm feeling something
my friend say i ought to
but somehow i know i shouldn't feel this way
but it's just me
i know its bad and everything
i mean
who wouldn't if you were in my shoes

but i told myself
what could i have done?
the answer came back
"No. nothing"
i really hate this kinda feeling
i know i must also accept it
i mean its not up to me to decide everything
blame it i'm the active
ya the passive

i feel a little ache inside of me
jealous? o.O
HAHAHA
my friend says i am.

oh well..
just got to leave with it, ain't i?
you better realise her feelings alright!
ah blah~~ blabbering nonsense
tell me what to do now

yesterday i asked many things
they was like no reply to the main thing
i wanted to ask
and so i supposed that was a no
i guess i haven made any progress
i got a feeling
i'm gonna lose it all over again
if only
i knew what to do
if only
i was him

some people does many things, but got nth in the end
some people does nothing and got all the things in the end

saddening

2006-09-28T00:26:00.000+08:00
got my haircut today
everyone says better
but i think
eeeks.. doesn't look that nice. =(
nth much happened today either
my bendan too popular with guys le ><
cannot guai la hor! =P
yeah
seriously i don't know what to type
asked bendan for supper no reply one
LOL
nbm. one day you'll reply =x LOL
ah. crap
i also lazy post pictures. ><
currently many things through my head
dunno what to process
i wonder what will tmr be
will it be a miracle
or would it be like salt and rice
just like everyday
BENDAN, wo men chu men 1 day can! T.T
hehe~
bah~ seriously... i feel stupid
and erh... helpless? *dang*
shall end
really really....
nvm. =)

yi pu lai. zhong you yi tian, ni hui zhi dao, wo shi zhen xin de

stupid thing

2006-09-27T05:36:00.000+08:00
i've done stupid things
knowing it'll still be the same
but i tried
=P
nth much happened today
joy seems down on mood
awww. sad
so thats where the surprise comes!
joy enjoy ur nice gift
from lex! ^^
LOLS!
oh well. i noe its stupid afterall
something just told me
try try try!
you'll succeed one day
but the decision
all ends up to you
oh well

<3 my bendan joy. LOLS!

xeloaix

2006-09-26T04:19:00.000+08:00
the path
isnt that straight
the road we take will always curve
but the main road will shine
if we hold on strong

that is something call determination
yet there is something call obstacle
its either the obstacle
brings you down
or the determination brings you up
bloggy
which will you choose?
if you were me

there are things that can't be forced
there are things that you need to fight for
some people have the things they want
yet they don't treasure
sometimes they don't even notice
i wonder when will the autumm leaves go
when winter comes

i once thought
when will the winter sun shine on me
to bring me thru this cold
but then i realised
the sun can never keep me warm
its you that kept me warm
its you that kept me strong
since then i wanted to be your sun
shining on you
even on the cold winter day

i wonder if ever
you'll ever like a sun
to be part of your life
or is it
all a dream again?
wake me up when september ends....

watched haunted apartments today.
boring. please don't watch - -
nth much too
caught a pic. shall post it soon. xD
how often u see such errors. HAHA
yeah
till den
my story continues
waiting for that day
i'm 1st in the queue
=)

she loves me, she loves me not
if its your happiness
go for it. ^^

confusion attack

2006-09-25T02:45:00.000+08:00
so what now?
i'm so confused
don't know what to do
am i doing right?
or am i doing wrong?
i've asked some for advice
all is green light
but
i'm still confused
tell me what to do now?
i ain't sure of anything
is there a way to show what will happen?
do you trust me?
i feel like green light
yet i can't forget about the red light
it's just so wrong
will the red light be forever red light?
or will there be a day
it'll turn to green?

sometimes i feel so stupid
stupid i can't solve a simple question
tell me if one day
the lights will ever change
or is it at the yellow transition
waiting to be green

or all along
it was the green light to begin with
the red light will still be a red light
not wanting me to cross that line
bloggy
if you were me
which light would you choose?
the green?
or the red hoping it'll turn to green someday?

someone, please enlighten me. =(

and these were some pics i promised. =D
AUD PICS~! sorry its all joy. =x LOL!

aud with joy (when i was my banana man) =x

aud with joy (in couple mode)

aud with joy (when we are more pro le) =x

no great mission in aud (i purposely get all bad/cool)

how often you get to be the first to d/l? xD

xiaolex

2006-09-24T18:04:00.000+08:00
i'm glad we once met
let our hearts burn
for the ones we truely love
if after a big round
the answer still lies back in the same person
he/she is the one
let love be the one who points
brightening up our life
if love can be this simple
i'll shine you out
of your darkness
walk with you when you feel lonely
understand you when you need someone
showering you with care when you need love
i'll love you
cos i believe
love is you
frenz or no frenz,
aishiteru. =D

shall post some pics later on
and oh
the person referring below
is some i deleted from my hp
and blocked from msn. ^^
irritating
if you really meant sorry
show some sincerity at least
ZZZ
peace`

penny for a thought

2006-09-24T05:36:00.000+08:00
a penny for my thoughts
i wonder what will happen in the future
somethings are starting to shape now
its my decision
but i wonder will i regret
i always say make a decision that
i wont regret
but the problem is
how you know which decision
wont make you regret

sometimes i feel stupid
getting oh so high
on things that i shouldn't
what more can i do?
a penny for my thoughts

so what do i do now?
should i?
should i not?
what if there's a change
and i missed the chance?
but what if its like what it is
there will never be a change?
hais...

what should i do? =(

ps: to someone (you know who you are):

just live your own life. i do not need you anymore
even as a fren
you're the first person
i'm so pissed with
when you're sad
and i try to cheer you up
write lol you show me attitude
then bite me back
say i show attitude?
as i said
if you don't need my concern
then don't bother stepping over my line
you crossed it
and don't think
'sorry that day i show attitude to you'
will help
how many times have this happen?
i'm being nice concerning you
and this is the shit i get in return?
ask me fuck off?
thanks i will. GLADLY
you sad what
guys broke your heart?
HAHA
you know yourself
you're playing with so many guys
you will short of one?
this is my 3cents worth of thoughts for you
yeah. i have an attitude
rant all you want girl
i need no fren like you in MA LIFE~

peace -`

titleless

2006-09-22T04:30:00.000+08:00
met many new aud friends today again
yep yep
singaporean, malaysian
anything. LOLS~
it was nice meeting them
talk and played together and stuff
oh well..

boring day
ahhh.. dunno wad to blog le
went to jam some songs on the machine [again]
ZZZ
was randoming the songs
drums ext, gp1 ext, gp2(me) ext
guess wad we got 2nd song? under control. WOOOOOO
dead. LOLS
ahhh. i'm freaking bored oh ya
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SK DAO SAO~~
ok back to topic
did nth much either
was deep in thoughts again
dunno why
you keep popping in my mind. ><
argh... T.T
nbm
spent sometime sitting down with shouji with
a gulp and mashed potato in hand
tot shouji some chinese words and stuff
but in return
he taught me alot of japanese
i feel i can make sentences better now
shall learn more~ ^^
japanese is cool. xD
and he even help me decode my japanese name!

from now on...
watashi no onamae wa YOSHITAKA desu yo~
xD lols!
oh well
how i wish you were here with me
to share the laughter i had sometimes
a dream
that will never come true
nights world

hou hui mei ba ni bao jing. shi wang wo wu neng wei li. zhi zhi dao xin li, zhi you ni yi ge.

runaway

2006-09-21T02:18:00.000+08:00
runaway my fren
run to a place
where its trouble free
run to a place
where you know its happiness
look me in the eye
tell me i'm that happiness
hug me tight
hold me close
tell me
i'm the one

tada~ boring thing i tot up. i'm so bored
went bunk today
finally tried playing there
its EX
but fun
pressure. xD
time = $$
LOLS. shall play some day again. wahahas~
nth to do. helped joy level in aud this afternoon
hmm. met alot new aud friends
ok la. all girls.. but
i got make guy friend can
guess wad
they say dun gay lehs. ZZZZZ
so dun guai me. =P

LOL

hope to make it b4 my bday or at least christmas. =D

say what you mean

2006-09-19T21:44:00.000+08:00
ta da da da
da da da da da da
.....
....
...
..
.
..
...
....
.....
say what you mean
ta da da da
da da da da da da

lols. catchy tune this song. xD
had a super duper uper buber sians day
was so sians that i made it out of the house
and went to ps
ZZZZ
gotta adapt to it

really nth to do
shan't be so emo le. =D
dear lex dear lex.
wad will be will be
the future for us to see
dear lex dear lex.
oh well. i guess you wouldn't even
say hi now. =(
waited 1 day le. T.T

HAHAHA~ as i promised i won't emo
take care dudes and babes
shall update with some nice poems i think later or smth
toodles

shen shen de hai ai zhe ni

hais 2

2006-09-19T04:11:00.000+08:00
will you notice
if one day
i'm gone?
will you feel different?
will you feel part of your life taken away?
i wonder how many people
have i made an impact
to their lives
that they will remember me

i'm running thru my life
with the past image zooming pass me
never did i slow down
never did i made a change
i'm feeling terrible
as if i'm going to lose one of my arms
the day have been terrible
without you there
i tried not to care anymore
i kept it at bay
but its as though its a drug
so much i wanted to talk to you
so much i wanted to care
but my voice is hoarse
i'm disappearing every moment
would you notice
that if one day i were to be gone?
if one day you were not to receive my msges
will you feel unease?
will you think of me?
will you think of why i didn't msg you?
or will i be just a thing
that is there if its there
and not there if its not there?

i really miss the old times
i really wanted to go on
but why must things happen
why must you give up on me
why must I give up on you
i really dunno what to do
so much to say
so little people to say to
can i ever feel your warmth again?
even as a fren i treasure?
will you stop by your busy life
and say a hi to me?
i really care
but somehow
my voice won't reach there
i'm suffering deep inside
i need you
but.....
and the story goes on...

somehow, it was as though i've never existed to lots of people
show me what's to love for
tell me you still remember me
tell me i'm still your friend...
tell me i've walked into your life
tell me i've.....
existed

^^

2006-09-18T14:12:00.000+08:00
audition thru the night till 5.30 liddat.
den chat with ma new friends to 6.30
gosh~
yest was crazy. made 2 new audition friends!
ok actually 3. but chatter with another two.
^^

one is 25 now. lols!
can be my jie le!
another one. GOSH LA!
she's darn cute can! lols
you guys shld have seen the conversation
make me laugh till i wan peng. LOL
she's too blur le. lols!
hald japanese, half singaporean
presenting....
miss yuriko san~
hahas! gosh! talking to her
really can make one laugh like mad
the words she used
and the blurness
OH MY TIAN~
yeah we chatted till abt 6.30 den knock off
i guess today
will be a boring day again
so yada~
oh ya. here's a pic of her. lols!
i'm still laughing over the dumbness ^^

2006-09-18T01:45:00.000+08:00
i really can't take it le
i know i'm just clinging on
since you don't care
i shall slowly don't care too
so much for trying
yeah lex
so much eh?

since ya like not even 10 cents
why shound you think that you're worth more?
come on
i bet its just hi and bye all along
i need to wake up
hopefully by september ends
i've been foolish

hundreds of reasons
thousands of complaints
if you really don't even consider me as someone worth talking
thats good enough for me
nothing ever comes happening with only 1 hand

where is the past?
is not even the memories
make me at least worth telling to?
is not even the shoulders i gave
give a reason to at least answer?

HAHA
thats in your face lex
*washes up my face*
yes! this shall be me
since one doesn't hiu
hiu doesn't one
i shall be good
and get out since
its like so pest-ty
SAYONARA

what am i talking? can i really do? i doubt. but i'll try. since its so cruel

dun even care

2006-09-17T05:21:00.000+08:00
it was all my wishful part
maybe someday
i'll forget everything
waking up afresh
haven been talking for days
jus some casual hi bye

nahs its alright
to me
i shan't think of anything more than that
but i'm more than happy
for at least i pass thru your mind for the night

how i wish
it was last week
playing tgt
chatting tgt
everything seems so lost now
gone

today i went to find you
but you ain't there
you didn't tell me where you were
i waited there
but there was no reply
i tried telling myself a joke
saying things that make me smile
but in reality
the feeling of wanting to see someone so much
really hurts.

please tell me
we're not drifting
i will be waiting

miss you?

2006-09-16T02:14:00.000+08:00
i'm missing you
but do you?

thats random.
bahs. i'm feeling random nowadays.
been walking on my own alot of times
when i go out.
dunno why either
sometimes its your sms that cheers me up
yet i told myself
i must somehow accept the fact
i dont' know how
i dont' know why
sometimes i just wish
we knew each other
not from online
but real friends
time cannot change the past
yet time cannot change the future too
what am i going to do from now on?
my birthday is coming
yet i'm unsure of many stuff
christmas is like 3 months away
yet my christmas wish seems so far away

ah. rantings. =)
shant go on
i'm not gonna make my friends worry!
lex is good alright
currently perfectly my eddie on guilty gear xx. ^^
it still sucks. ><

how wish
somewhat
we can make it before my birthday
or at least christmas
happiness

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It's only you and me

: Here Without You - 3 Doors Down

judge

2006-09-14T23:39:00.000+08:00
why do people like to judge
i mean yes its normal
but how do you judge someone
before you even know them?

nahs. this is just random
i just don't like the feeling
of being judged at cause of
the way i present
people often say i cool or introvert
but once they knew me
i'm actually damm friendly and siao

met ma von sister
LIKE FINALLY
so long le. lols!
she looks as great as before
prettier IMO ^^
stupid her
went to eat ramen
then my sis
keep say a guy cute
bth. lols!
your brother is as cute can! =x

yeah. catched up with lotsa things
told her many of ma things
she told me hers too
kinda nice day
si joy
saw me nv say hi. =x
ok that was random

ahhhh
its alright
fate, thats what i always say
i learn to look aside
and i'm glad
somehow
it doesn't change the fact
i'm still waiting to see you
tell me when ya ready ^^

ps: i hate people who call me hongster. - - anyway, i dun care too =P

zhen ai nan xun, dan xun dao le, que yong yong bu dao. =(

Ryan Canbera - True

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think I don't look
But deep inside the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that's true
So I will not hide
It's time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don't know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak, it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know you met me?

[Chorus]

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
The way that's true

[Chorus]

words

2006-09-14T03:48:00.000+08:00
words cant explain how much i want to be with you
i'll take it by my stride now
aint no good doing anything
was walking with frenz
and den thinking on my own
i often gave the advice of:
why care so much
for the person who doesn't

but then i think again
who says she doesn't care
yeah as a fren :)
i will too
hahahaha

nahs. nth much nowadays
i've been thinking really lots
like is like
don't like is don't like
now can't force de
its only through actions can things be done
you'll always be my number one
no matter who you are with everyday
no matter how jealous i can get
i still love you
deeply
soundly
quietly
unbroken by anything

wo zai deng zhe ni qian wo de shou. :)

sadness hais

2006-09-13T03:45:00.000+08:00
and i know i'm fighting for something
that is 0.001% possible
sometimes i really wish to run away
to a place where no one see me
yet i cannot
i know i cannot deny my own feelings
i really wish for a happy ending

give me the hands to reach
somewhere i will know
how did it ended up like this
september came
i should have woken up
somehow, i need a medicine
tell me what to do now
everything ain't in the right place
i love you
more than anything
that surface this world
hope you can try too
someday
somehow

getting moodless everyday. went shopping at night with virus. bought 4 shirts. >< damm. i shld be taking these money for a new bag. why did i buy clothes? T.T hais. something ain't right. lex, wake up please! move on! she told you so! ya fucking stubborn. grrrr

you mean more than the sun to me. i just wanna see you once. thats all i ask for now. =(

hais....

2006-09-12T03:33:00.000+08:00
there are just some things i cant forget
there are just some things i cant let go
tell me true
tell me so
tell me one day you'll change
just for me
i want you so
i want you here
if only one day
you'll see me more than a friend
you'll see me as someone who's true
someone who will be there
no matter how bad you're gonna be

wo hai shi fang qi bu liao yi qie. =( ni neng ai wo ma?

sunday

2006-09-11T01:03:00.000+08:00
they say
time changes everything
but can it ever change love?
thats something i wanna know

yes.
said the time machine
i can turn from liking you
to not liking you
and i replied
what about not liking you
to liking you?
the time machine went quiet

sometimes i really want to give up
yet my heart tells me not so
and so i wont

some people may not do a single thing
and got it
some people may do everything in the world
and not get it
i guess thats fate

spent my sunday kinda alone.
wasnt in the mood for many things
i just dunno why
maybe its just me
i really missed those times
we're drifting
and i don't want to see this
=(
i want miracle
if only i'm a little better than now
seems like good things doesn't last forever
seems like all good things have ended once again
i need someone
if only..

love me someday, i won't be giving up cause you've taken my heart away right from the start. you said who knows what will happen tomorrow or the future. and i certainly hope its light. good friends from the start, i need your love to get me by. will it ever change? i hope so. good friends, better friends, best friends. at least i'm contented to be best friends after all these though deep in me, i wanted more. =( it'll come.. stay strong lex. ._.

..

2006-09-10T02:56:00.000+08:00
yet another meangingless post. i've just blogged and i wonder why i have so many things to say. - -" i just feel like talking to somebody. but everyone's gone. so many things to start from. hais.
ps: use encoding Unicode(UTF-8) if you cant read the chinese words which appears like *@#&*@#.
View > Encoding > Unicode(UTF-8)

-----------------

its just like the temperature of the day
it can be hot
it can be cold
sometimes the weather just changes
just like how heaven wants so

i wonder if there are things you remember
the laughters that we once bear
i really cannot lose you
you're just like another heart of mine

it has been months
since we hit off this well
and i knew somehow or rather
good things will swell

its all my made up feelings
but i wonder when will all these turn true
don't you even feel a thing?
after so many things happen just in a blink
tell me that love was meant to be
now thats its you and me
you may not feel the same
but at least say its not only my name

how can i make you love me
just the same way me loving you
don't leave me outside all alone
with me talking to my clone
i want be with you every single second
holding your hands in my hands
thats the way i wanna be
just you and me
from dawn to dusk
and dusk to dawn

let me touch your heart
let yourself indulge in mine too
is it really so that impossible
that none of the things we did
made it possible
i just need one chance
and give yourself one too
for i assure you
my feelings will forever be true

please, make my wish come true
for i'll be waiting for you
now matter how many rejections there may be
i'll still remain yours
just plainly because

i really do

-----------------

我真的好想你。
好想抱你在我怀里。
为什么总是要我一个人面对这世界，
苦苦的等待。
但如果那真的是你的选择，
我也只好自知之明。

我真的好爱好爱你。 =(

不要放弃我，
不要放弃爱，
好吗？

----------------

i guess it'll never get true
please, no troubles come find me this week
i need peace
i just hope, you can be here with me
thats all the thing i only want
not money
not games
not anything
just you here with me
i really miss you. =(
nites world... hais..

-----------------

i've been re-reading and re-reading the msg you send. i want to believe it aint true. but somehow, i gotta face reality. is it really 0%? i know i'm selfish and stubborn. but i really can't take it. hais

saturday

2006-09-10T00:27:00.000+08:00
i wonder how long will it takes
seriously i don't know what to feel
of cause its happy la
but...
LOL!

tell me what more can i do
tell me how
tell me why
will this take forever?
or has there been changes

the sun is said to be rising fromt the west about thousand years later.
even this big miracle is happening.
i wonder when will mine happen
give me a chance
and you'll want more
girl, we could make this last forever

let me be your boy. ilu. do you feel the same too? =(

hmm.. thoughts

2006-09-09T03:18:00.001+08:00
was on da phone with joy till like 7am this morning? HAHA! 6.40 to be exact. before we play aud i told her pei me chatted till dawn. she was like !!!!!! *I&*@# hahas. den we went play aud. something cropped up. den nv play le. how sad. LOLS. in the end we chatted. blah blah blah~ den i see time. WAAA! 6.30 le! lols. how fast. 3 hrs gone just like that. she wanted sleep so we went to sleep.

den 12pm my father say. eh u want go buy ur zen not. want now wake up. lols. bo bian. wake up den go marina with dad. THANKS FOR DA ZEN! LOVE YOU DAD! ^^ den go ps. clear some things off. and slacked the whole day thru. i realise my eddie using isnt that of standard that. must improve. T.T nbm. shall end. ><

the rose withers
the sun set
rivers change
a new generation

no matter how long it takes
you'll be ma no 1
this i promise you
i'm so so so so
into you. =)
wanna pei u everyday
without any complains
just plain simple happiness
thats all i ask. ^^

i'm glad things are still fine. i don't want this to end, girl

2006-09-08T00:17:00.000+08:00
the world is getting darker
life will never be the same
everyday i'm in deep thoughts
when will this ever end

i want to see the light
i want to reach the end of the tunnel
hand in hand
you and me
we'll make it through

be my love
be my girl
be my everything
because to me
you are my everything

i'll stay on
hoping you'll realise
even its from afar
that i'm true
day after day
this goes on
till the day
my fake rose wither

girl, you are my everything
the world
the sun
the earth
as long as i have my breath and voice
i'll gladly say

i love you. =)

Your golden opportunity lies in yourself. Not through the environment, not in luck or in chance or in others. It lies in yourself alone.

i'll make it through
till the day you say
i love you too. =D

be my joy, be my laughter. i am a want you!

2006-09-07T14:16:00.000+08:00
no matter how strong a person can be, love can bring someone down. hmm. cueyi san~ seems to be the right person to confide to. xD waa. she really hit the nail when she say, if you wan say you will say, i need not bug you. xD woo~ she's a nice girl. poor thing her *ahem* now everyday chiong sua. xD

oh well. will be going out. everyday's a new day, everyday's a new miracle. i'll be waiting till u seriously meant it to meet or smth. ^^ (>'.')> <(^.^<)

i want to be your listening ear. i want you to trust me. i want you to be happy. i want to be there whatever you do. i want you to really smile from your heart. i want you confide in me. i want to solve your problems. i want you. =)

enlightenment

2006-09-07T02:06:00.000+08:00
i realised finally.

loving someone isnt really just about being with him/her. yes. you may have the title of girlfriend/boyfriend. but that alone wad it does?

to me. i realised loving someone is really seeing her happy and thats all. whether she likes you back or she appreciates it doesnt really matter. seriously, all i want is see you happy and that ya troubles free from the heart.

i may not have seen you in real life before (just like the lakehouse =P) but to me, those times we spent talking and fooling arnd on msn and sms-es are way too good for me already. not that i do not want to be attached, but somehow its your freedom. i don't know if one day you'll give me that chance to be tgt not, but to me. yesterday was some of the best memories i could ever ask for.

yes indeed sometimes i'm jealous of stuff. like how come ppl have that good fate to blah blah with u and stuff. but somehow or rather, i'm kinda contented that you still treat me well. awww... seriously, seeing you LOL, ROFL, HAHA is the best i can do now. its your choice whether to meet me or not, but its my choice to love you till the day u give me the chance to be really with you. =) till the day, i'll say. i don't love you. i love you even more. =)

mushy post i noe. but i just wanna say. its me. =) xD thanks for everything. ^^

i love you. i really do. if one day, you have no one to support on, i'll be there still waiting even if i'm the last on your list. =)

=)

2006-09-06T04:09:00.000+08:00
kinda light hearted these days and stuff.

i'm glad you told me your troubles. though i never help much but i bet u feel better after saying so many things out. =) haiyo. somethings are like that. wont say much here. just felt nice hearing you out and helping you.

THIS ALSO APPLIES TO ALL MY FRIENDS K!

as the time goes on i realised. the only way to touch a person's heart is to never give up. if you really love someone, no matter how long it is, its worth the wait. seriously. when you kana rejected or smth. u give straight away and stuff. is that period you say u like that someone really true? or you just want to get the person's body?

thought for the day: its always the unexpected comes and the expected leaves - lex

true? hahas. toodles world

i really am true. but how true is true? i guess thats for me to prove

..

2006-09-05T04:12:00.000+08:00
was reading joy's blog entry. this really suits me instead. i wonder why is she posting. >< LOLS. so here goes. its so so same as how i feel la! however, ignore the come to my hse with that blouse and the remember we kissed. it'd never happen. >< hahas. oh well. somehow 90% of the lyrics is really happening and its how i feel. blah blah~

i'm still here. waiting and waiting. just like i always do. hoping 1 day, you'll have a change of heart. someday you'll say maybe we can work it out.

when the going gets tough, all i want you to know, that i'll be here, cheering you on. whatever problems or sadness you may have, i just want you to noe, i'll be here always, listening and helping u solve it. i just want to see that smile on your face that suits you best girl. =)

And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we'll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy

AVIATION - YOU WERE MY EVERYTHING
[Talking:]
This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn't realize it at the time
I can't forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don't really expect you to either
It's just... I don't even know
Just listen...

You're the one that I want, the one that I need
The one that I gotta have just to succeed
When I first saw you, I knew it was real
I'm sorry about the pain I made you feel

That wasn't me, let me show you the way
I looked for the sun, but it's raining today
I remember when I first looked into your eyes
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies

I wore a disguise 'cause I didn't want to get hurt
But I didn't know I made everything worse
You told me we were crazy in love
But you didn't care when push came to shove

If you loved me as much as you said you did
Then you wouldn't have hurt me like I ain't shit
Now you pushed me away like you never even knew me
I loved you with my heart, really and truly

I guess you forgot about the times that we shared
When I would run my fingers through your hair
Late nights, just holding you in my arms
I don't know how I could do you so wrong

I really wanna show you I really need to hold you
I really wanna know you like no one else could know you
You're number one, always in my heart
And now I can't believe that our love is torn apart

[Chorus:]
I need you and
I miss you and
I want you and
I love you 'cause
I wanna hold you,
I wanna kiss you
You were my everything
And I really miss you [2x]

I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man
And then sit and laugh as you're holding his hand
The thought of that just shatters my heart
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart

At times we was off I was scared to show you
Now I wanna hold you until I can't hold you
Without you, everything seems strange
Your name is forever planted in my brain

Damn it, I'm insane,
Take away the pain
Take away the hurt
Baby, we can make it work

What about when you
Looked into my eyes
Told me you loved me
As you would hugged me

I guess everything you said was a lie
I think about it, it brings tears to my eyes
Now I'm not even a thought in your mind
I can see clearly, my love is not blind

[Chorus x2]

[Talking:]
I just wish everything could have turned out differently
I had a special feeling about you
I thought maybe you did too
You would understand, but...
No matter what, you'll always be in my heart
You'll always be my baby

Our first day, it seemed so magical
I remember all the time that I had with you
Remember when you first came to my house?
You looked like an angel wearing that blouse

We hit it off, I knew it was real
But now I can't take all the pain that I feel
Reach in your heart, I know I'm still there
I don't wanna hear that you no longer care

Remember the times? Remember when we kissed?
I didn't think you would ever do me like this
I didn't think you'd wanna see me depressed
I thought you'd be there for me, this I confess

You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?
Now I'm nothing to you, you're with another guy
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I'm trying
Now on the inside it feels like I'm dying

[Chorus x2]

[Talking:]
And I do miss you
I just thought we were meant to be
I guess now, we'll never know
The only thing I want is for you to be happy
Whether it be with me, or without me
I just want you to be happy

aftermath

2006-09-03T21:38:00.000+08:00
mood: depressed
song: forget it..

girls...
i really don't get them sometimes.

well, most of the time actually.

- knnth

true. same to me. lotsa things happened to me today for no rhyme or reason. suddenly you're gone. just like that and i wonder why. so all along all these are for nth? you never know how the world crashed on me when my meii said i've been blocked. thanks a million for that. i feel worthless. so much for everything. all i get is that when you got yours.

seriously, i should be hating you. i should fuckily throw my temper. but how come. why. i just couldn't bring myself to it. instead i'm still trying to find the reason aimlessly wishing i could do smth to amend it. tell me, is this stupidity or wad? why do you had to leave this way? is even friendship so hard to maintain? you really crushed my world. totally to nth. and lex, ya a baka that shed a single tear for love. you swore never to do but that single tear rolled down. blame it on listening to forever love and endless rain.. =(

Forever Love - X Japan
I can't walk on my own any more
The winds of time are too strong
Ah, I should be used to
Getting hurt, but now...

Ah, just like this,
Hold my still damp heart
If unchanging love can exist
In these constantly changing times,

Will you hold my heart,
And catch my tears?
All my heart feels like it will break

Forever Love Forever Dream
Oh, tell me why
Only flowing emotions
Intensely and painfully fill these times

All I see is blue in my heart

Will you stay with me
As long as the wind blows?
All my tears overflow again

Forever Love Forever Dream
Stay by me, just like this
Holding my heart that shakes in the dawn
Oh stay with me

Ah, I wouldn't mind if everything were to end
In this night without end
Ah, I would lose nothing
All I have is you

Ah, will you stay with me
As long as the wind blows?
I don't want anyone else by my side

Forever Love Forever Dream
I can't walk any further
Oh, tell my why Oh, tell me true
Teach me the meaning of life

Forever Love Forever Dream
Within the flowing tears
Until the shining seasons change into eternity
Forever Love

------------------

a nice lyric from endless rain [translated]
Days of joy, days of sadness slowly pass me by.
As I try to hold you, you are vanishing before me.
You're just an illusion.
When I am awake, my tears have dried in the sands of sleep.
I'm a rose blooming in the desert.

It's a dream, I'm in love with you.
Hold me warmly in your arms.
I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you

The dream is over.
I can no longer hear the voice of your gentle words.
Floating off tear stained walls.
So awakening in the morning, I'll move into my dreams ...
until I can forget your love.

these 2 songs really describe everything.. sadly they make me shed a single tear for you. you left without a word on 030906. a memory to remember..

as you indulge in your happiness and love, you left me alone, walking this stretch all alone. why did you do this to me? why? am i not even the mark of a friend of yours to at least say bye when you leave? can't even have a relationship of friends? i really really am puzzled. this is so not you..

drowned

2006-09-03T17:08:00.000+08:00
i'm gonna drown. seriously. wake me up from this dream. its september already. the distance. cant it get closer anymore? i feel so distant. why?

was kinda down when you mentioned something. it made you think a whole lot. wad if i were to tell you something that was always in ma heart too? will be make you ponder? or will it still be the same 2 months ago? will it even make you stop and consider?

somethings cannot be explained thru words. yet somehow how i wish i could just tell you everything. but i'm just another ordinary guy whom is just another part and parcel of your life. i really want to say. but my throat is dry.

i tried to say goodbye and i choke
tried to runaway but i stumbled
though i tried it, its clear

i can feel everything about you
the smiles, the sadness
the troubles, the pain
yet there's something i'll never get
your heart

tell me its not true

i'm really lost. shld i or shld i not. gamble it away? if only question can be answered thru throwing of a dice. it's hard typing a smile when deep in my heart, its just plain confusion.

[ SILENT JEALOUSY - X JAPAN ]

it feel like i'm the last on the list

missing

2006-09-03T02:23:00.000+08:00
*editted post*

mood: dun ask me
song: dun ask me

dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me . dun ask me .

i shall recover soon. its never meant to be. and since there's no intention i guess i'm just trying to make a burst balloon filled with gas.

没想到还是一样的结局

looks like my birthday wish and christmas hope will not come true again this year.

its always so near yet so far. i've been wondering why is there an intention yet it looks like there's no interest? i'm really really confused and puzzled. i guess i'll never make it there. the road seems to foggy to continue. but i'll slowly stumble past it and hope i'll reach the exit soon and find that you're at it.

bored . neglected . hurt

真的很想和你在一起。牵着手、一起走下去。希望这个梦会实现。

X Japan

2006-09-02T04:52:00.000+08:00
mood: emotional
song: Endless Rain - X Japan

i dun expect an apology from you. it'll be like asking 10million bucks. u own it to eileen.

ok. shant go to that topic. finished watching X Japan - The Last Live concert on my comp. damm. its so emotional. hais... was watching and i almost felt like crying. its like i know its just a video. but the love from the fans, the feeling everyone gave for this last concert. its just too much to take. >< X JAPAN LIVES ON IN MA HEART. =)

today really nth much. nv go to the beach party. sorry nic. when i saw ur call and sms. it was like 8 or 9? =x LOLS. hais. today really failed day. meant to ah. nbm. shant say much. just a...

note to self: lex must not repeat his mistakes. dun go to far lex. u'll end up being the dumb on in the end. take things slowly if it meant to be. you tried, cannot, wait for it being asked instead since you cant force. i'll be waiting till you agree. =P sorry for being kinda buggy this few days too. i just cant really control not knowing how's ur day. >< i hope someday, it'll be the opposite where u ask me how's my day instead. ^^

I see red
I see blue
But the silver lining gradually takes over
When the moring begins
I'll be in the next chapter
[ The Last Song - X Japan ]

I awake from my dream
I can't find my way without you
Endless Rain, let me stay ever more in your heart
Let my heart take in your tears, take in your memories

Endless Rain, fall on my heart, kokoro no kizu ni
Let me forget all of the hate, all of the sadness
[Endless Rain - X Japan ]

i love you, really i do. <3

=)

2006-09-01T04:15:00.000+08:00
mood: happy. =)
song: i wanna be with you - jill

lex shall be the happiest guy for the day. i tink i can finally sleep. hee. i feel so relax now. i hope thats where the holidays come. =) seriously all i wish is love and peace. i shall fight for it. ^^

shant care abt the matter no more. all that matters is my friends stay happy and to hear her. =) its been 1 day since i last heard frm her. =( and she finally replied! =) hahas. i just dunno why. she brighten up day so easily. hahas. [ and honey, dun tink too much k. u did it at times too. =) ]

hahas. somehow or rather i din expect that call. hahas. chatted for sometime before her hp want no batt le. den hang le. damm. my bro wants me go krunk! tml. but i got things in plan. hais... how to satisfy both world? i've been thinking. T.T dun go, my bro not happy i feel bad. but tml the only chance i guess. how? i will not hais le. lex is the happiest guy for da day! ^^ come what may tml. =x i'll let nature take its course. =)

to ruby meii: i may not know the whole thing. but do wad u feel its right for u k? as i always say. do things that u wont regret. no point saying and saying i miss you. kor will always help u if u need my help. but kor oso want you to fight for your happiness k? hurts me to see u down too. >< alright? and take care. your body is weak these few days. <3

for all that believe, thank you very much for standing by me. you guys made my day 50%. =) another 50%. wahahas!

zzz 2

2006-08-31T23:18:00.000+08:00
ok bao listen up. now you're being the stubborn one. i do not know you and i bloody need not need an explanation to u in ther first place for ur accusation.

the stubborn you dowan listen? den see.

click to enlarge

1) IP add. as i said 4 blocks is NOT ENOUGH to prove anything. u can use it as an excuse to say i write those tags. fine. but let me tell u and ur friends who decided it was me. believe it or not. the first four block is server and a randomly assigned host name. u can play arnd with ur tags and try again. if ya stubborn, nth to say again.

2) i insulted u in the first place? quote one for me. i remembered u started off with the samll kid on me. did u ever asked me before u typed and self-confirmed those things? no? and u say i'm a small kid? job well done.

3) i still dun see the big fuck abt 5 hrs interval? so wads its 5? so wads its 6? so wads its 1 hr? i dun get the point. fine. 5 hrs that will be 11.24am. rite? i'm still sleeping thats why i say i not at cybercafe. and please. i've never even book a cook in a cybercafe or lan shop b4. - -" u wan prove ask my dad which u prolly will just give another excuse that he'll side me.

4) u cant SPOOF your IP. its assigned by the web host randomly. it just so happen we share that same 4 blocks of IP which means pratically. NTH. i'm not in an IT course for fuck sake. and seriously, ur frens and you need so upgrading skills in IT. i'm not kidding. in all you're still circling the fact IP same, time 5 hrs which i explained everything. just that you are that STUBBORN.

5) be the devil in the first place wan be angel? let me tell u smth. its cos this bloody reason dun get to u in at all that i must turn devil. u say i devil listen for wad. i be angel, u kpkb. its just ur excuse for not listening.

6) eileen trust her fren more than she trust you? say back to yourself. you and your fren decided it was me but do you trust her? no. so dun say she always dun trust you and stuff. thats bullshit.

7) you break with eileen i happy? for fuck? you're just a nuisance and bastard in saying that line. is ur gf really so worthless? so now ya saying my motive for writing the tags is so you two can break and i can be with her eh? let me tell u smth. you're so damm wrong. i like another girl. its not her. but if u insist i got nth to do. she's just a fren of mine that i treat equally when they have problems. is this another excuse of yours for running away?

8) even providing an internet fact u oso dowan believe IP can be same? u insist that IP is the proof of everything? if thats how stubborn you really are. let me tell u. ya the most stubborn guy i've ever seen.

9) please. i'm still loss at this.
5 hrs Interval Between the tag. How do u explain it? U say tat u do not go cybercafe. than how do u explain the above situation? I and my frens are not born yesterday?
wad has this got to do to say i'm the one hu tag?

10) and by deleting all contacts with leen. let me tell u. ya the most petty guy i ever seen too. cant even be friends with her? cant even be a HI-BYE friend. how hurt she is you just take it as nth? you never had feelings for her b4? say bye jiu bye? maybe NS will really knock some sense in you. i have no right to say this but as a fren of eileen, yes i care how she feels now.

11) lastly if you still dowan accept these things, and let the real annoymousfuckshit laugh behind this matter as wad he really wants to see. i've got nth to say. if you still think that i'm the culprit, so be it. sense cant get into that thick skull of urs anymore. i'll gladly say...

YES. i'm that annoymousfuckshit who wrote those tags. its better for eileen to break or at least remain single than to stick in a relationship where the bf doesnt even listen to explaination. YES she deserved a better guy. HAHAHA. i'm so happy. happy with this sentence? this will be my last resort if it can clear things up and let ur happy EGOISTIC self rule ur circle. for i believe true frenz of mine will still believe in me. thanks frenz hu all believed in me. suet, knnth, christie, eileen, ck(though i dunno hu u are =)) and many more. thanks all. =)

ZZZ

2006-08-31T12:43:00.001+08:00
A post for bao-n-leen

alright this is for you two. to clear things up. i'm gonna make some points. damm. all this are really ZZZZ..

1) to bao - i said: if i defame your mother, would u come and talk to me nicely? that was an EXAMPLE. if ya not cool abt it. here is my apology that i used her as an example. apology taken? its up to you. i did wrong things i dare to say sorry. thanks for this.

2) to bao - you said: "there is no trust in the relationship" you keep going on how leen doesnt trust you and trust her friends. now let me ask you. how much you trust her when she says its not her friends? do you even trust her? ya just trying to give a reason to look away.

3) to bao - and for your info, if you have even 0.00000000001% of thought that i'm interestd in leen and wants you two to break, the answer is NO. so please dont give this as a reason to break.

4) to leen - thanks for trusting in me though i know you'll stand more on him. i got little excuse that the IP appears to me. but i reason with facts and proof. at least you bother to listen. unlike. ZZZ. tell him one whole day. he dowan listen say better things to do, go WoW. wth. once again. thanks for trusting in me.

5) to both of you. i don't even know abt how bad you two are right now. and even before that bloody tag came. worse, to tell you the truth, i don't even care whats going on btw you two. i just happen to click on the blog, saw the tags on wad your sex thing and happen to reply. 5 hrs later, that tag came and u say is me. like wth. i only care when you two break up and i ask leen how is she. and suggest solutions to help you two patch. in god's name, why would i do such a thing? ZZZ

6) to bao - i dunno what reason you will have more for you wanting to break with leen. i have no rights to say anything, neither do i have anything to do with it. i'm just a bystander who acts when the things happen.

7) to bao - and please. mind your mouth and get everything right and proper before you start telling the world i did this and that. you don't even want to listen to explanation and you start babbling on i wrote those tags? yes. go on. tell her, her ruby, tell everyone who reads your blog that i wrote those things. they believe in you. you had my life screwed up when i nv even talk to you for one time. read this line. YOU SCREWED MY LIFE UP.

8) to ruby - and maybe i get a little picture of why you're ignoring me these few days eh? cos of this? thanks ah if its really cos of this. so much for treating you good and showing care and concern for you. this is wad i get in return. thanks. really thanks. if this is not the reason. still thanks for ignoring me still.

9) to anyone - you guys can dun trust me. you guys can look me as a bastard who write annoymously and scold people. but come on. i got annoymous tags b4 and i felt dulan. in case you guys who do not know me and judge me already, here's my 2cents worth of info for you guys. I DO NOT USE ANNOYMOUS NAME. IF I WANT TO SCOLD YOU, I WOULD PROUDLY USE MY NAME. believe it or not, thats my principle.

10) to myself - last point is for myself. lesson learned. dun bloody treat people good. they'll backstab you in the end. so much for the care and concern.

11) to bao - almost forgot. i still want an explanation of the info i got frm the net abt IP. abt that, you still haven given me a good explanation on why you 100% bite its me. that info can at least clear another 50% of my name. its bad to bite me, but i'll go all out to clear my name. you started it and please be a man to finish this matter off since i'm here to explain. if you dun reply, by right i have no rights to ask you come and finish this thing off. but wad for start off by smearing my reputation and not finish it off? you screwed my life and now ya running? in the past i would have hunt you down in ur hse. now i choose to settle with reason and you dowan? damm..

12) to annoymousfuckshit - thanks to you too, my name is gone. you better use someone else comp if u dunno how to configure the IP add to tag and clarify who are you. at least state where ya frm. oh ya, you sure wont. cos you aint got balls to do that type of things aye? if ya reading, come tag me la. may u die with your balls split into half.

12) to bao-n-leen - ok last one. really. believe it or not. i want you two to be together. i remember how confused and lost leen was when you two broke the first time. i do not want to see her sad. when you two patched she was happy and i feel glad for her. not that i liked her as in a bgr. but i liked her as a fren. the optimistic side of her. i aint want to see her down in her moods trying to find the exit of a maze. and bao, she trust you more than her friend. believe me. what if one day you found out its your friend who done it? wad will you do instead? will you feel guilty abt not trusting her in the first place? i hope so. i dare and swear to say its not me who write those bloody tag on your blog. believe it or not. its up to you. my last post was abit vulgar because of my mood. who wouldnt be angry if they tio defame? i already controlled alot. ZZ

off to find ma friends. wad a bad week this is.

na bei

2006-08-31T02:21:00.000+08:00
mood: sibeh angry
song: none

firstly check this blog out: http://bao-n-leen.blogspot.com

done with the Wednesday, August 30, 2006 post. here i am.

thanks ah. dunno wad u call still so i call u BlueBulb. u tink i so bo liao. write those fuck shit for wad? i dare to say i dare to admit. i hao xin wish u two happy belated 1 month you can tio me taiji. blog BIG? wan smear my reputation. let me tell u smth. *TOOT* to you sia!

"okie.. 1 of the "small kid" is known as LEX"
another big *TOOT* to you. learn how to check IP before coming to say its me. me and the annoymous same IP. u noe how does internet IP works? get a life dude. i got more time than to tag wad suck cock thing. say me small kid? come tio me la! u aint that big either. i dun care u maple finally level 121 after slacking for dunno how long (i'm half ur level).

"i also never say your full name" _|_ you lah! ask arnd the ppl u noe that noes me. i will do such bo liao things mehs. check the time of the tag and where am i first before say i tag. u tink i dunno IP add mehs. u tink i dunno can check mehs? i so stupid use own comp tag u? lao CB.

argh. nth going rite. first, ruby meii mai talk to me. den everyone seems to ignore me. damm. wad is wrong this day. luckily i still got christiie meii and franana who come comfort me. thanks frenz. all those say anything can talk to me. grr. where are you guys. damm. i'm still pissed. zzzz

here is why you say its me right? i'm bloody not afraid as u say i am to clear this thing up. i dare to do dun dare admit? on my ass. lex doesnt do such stuff. noe me before you judge me. PUI!

HERE MR BLUEBULB AND THOSE WHO STILL NOT CONVINCED:
An IP address can appear to be shared by multiple client devices either because they are part of a shared hosting web server environment or because a proxy server (e.g. an ISP or anonymizer service) acts as an intermediary agent on behalf of its customers, in which case the real originating IP addresses might be hidden from the server receiving a request.

oh ya. just to add on. at 11.24 i am still in my bed sleeping. ZZZ

Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/IP_address

you made me happy today again. for the afternoon. but where are u in the evening. t.t

moodless

2006-08-30T00:58:00.000+08:00
mood: moodlessly thinking
song: none

seriously i need to be thinking of other things. i shouldnt fall so deep in the pit yet again. lex, learn ur bloody lesson. even ur meii is telling you that. bah~

today stayed home. waited for miss joy to come online cos she said afternoon come back. in the end 11+ den saw her online. LOLS! tio pian liaos. =x wahahas! oh well. its fine or wadsoever.

lotsa things coming already. i've been feeling rather treated cold by lotsa people. i wonder why too. those promised to say everything and stuff all dowan liaos. all say nth and whatever. even my meii all starting to say cold things and leave. what the hell did i do wrong? guess i really need some reflection time yet again. everyone's busy with their life. only me this stupid head trying to make ppl's life happy. but, i tink i screwed them up instead. if not i cant think of anymore reason anymore.

hais. tell me wad to do now. 1 my meii mai say wad happened. another one says mai talk to me because of i dunno wad thing. damm. life isnt so good. bad omen for the holidays. i need a breather. =(

but somehow i'm glad we're getting to speak more freely now. i'm just trying my best to let u know me more and to let myself be more comfortable with you. =) if u noe hu i am talking abt, i noe it sounds stupid, but i hope history wont repeat either. i dunno how to describe the feeling and thinking i'm having now. its like ya giving some chance or smth. but is it really it? i certainly hope so. =) but sometimes u oso like bo chup which makes me sad a little, but u even bothered to reply me, unlike now lotsa ppl doesnt, that makes me really wanna treasure u more. tell me, what is really going on. shld i be straightforward and ask?

ya sick. so please take care too. =)

josh and nic's resolution for the year seems to be coming true already, yet mine still not even 50% done. can i really make it in time? hais. i have a feeling not. lucky, my two bros. lex, u gotta try harder if you really want your wish to come true. ><

of all ppl that left, i'm glad ya the one that stayed. let me cherish you more. let me take care of you, for you're more than that important fren i used to lie to myself. =/

<3

2006-08-29T05:02:00.000+08:00
mood: cloud no 9
song: none

i just love it when we chat. esp on the phone. it may mean nth to you but hearing your voice after so long, really lighten up my mood. =)

it began wild when ur voice is trying to stay awake. hahas. i cant wait for more to happen in the future. but is there? i certainly hope so. please dun disappoint me. i hope after so long, you do change your thinking abt me a little. just a little. i'll go step by step to go the length with you. ^^

i cant sleep. >< i'm just pondering. oh ya. audition just level 5 le. =x i went back maple bootes. so ya. lols! level 51 bandit nia. noob. =D anyone care to peii me play? hahas! nights world!

i feel so light.

i want more of such things. it really makes me so happy to hear your voice over da phone. hope to hear it right beside my ear soon. =)

why must this happen?

2006-08-28T04:53:00.000+08:00
mood: a mixture of sad and happy
song: glamorous sky - nana feat nakashima mita

somethings happened today and i'm feel oh so i cant stand it anymore. its been holding on for so long and everything i'm giving in. yeah. go on on how i change and my attitude. somehow or rather none other ppl said that. out of my 300+ friends. cept you. excuses. just step out the door of my life please. i had enough. ya lying plain thru ur teeth. if u tink i'm tt dumb, think twice. i'm a scorpio and my sting hurts. when i turn my face on you, be sure you'll never even get a fuck in front of ma face once again. for you, you still have a chance. i'm not so damm give up like i treated someone else. but trust me, never will i listen to u fucking lies again.

somehow or rather. the person who cheered me up and made my day best was joy. =) thanks girl! its been kinda some time since we last chatted and stuff. thanks for even bothering to listen to me! ^^ hahas. and thanks for telling me so many gu shi! wahahas! pretty sad none others realised wad is going on. joy's the girl lahs! lols! but still, u ps me on sat. T.T hahas! i'll be waiting for the next sms when you asked me where am i again. =P dun care ah! study hard k joy! you really made me smile once again like you always do. just like kai xin guo to you eh? ^^

tml the last paper DBSY. i tink i can scrape thru? i never really study much. like josh bro said, GG! xD lululu~ after tml, rest for 2 days or so then i go find a job. i need $$. i promised christiie meii to teach her maths too. poor her. her o levels are coming yet somehow her tuition tcher left her. hmm. i dowan her to fail either. >< speacking of which, joy ah. you need maths tuition can also tell me. =D tuition together. =x LOLS. kidding. you got *ahem* =x hahas! though didi la cant teach much. =x WAHAHA!

somehow i tell myself, i am only a --- --- --- to you. never can i ever reach the stage like those guys i heard from you. though i really want. i feel so inferior to those ppl. went to ur hse and stuff. buying you stuff and everything. pei u whenever you needed someone. i'm just a million miles away to be considered treating you good.

but recently, you're like giving me a chance. but should i raise my expectation high? i really dunno wad to think. days passed since that time i knew the truth. i tried to keep that flame down. but since then it was never extinguished. i'm still waiting for that day we meet. thats why my wishlist never delete that line. are you reading? you're getting that flame to lit once again. if you never mean it, do you mind, toning it down? or have you really decided to allow me to lit the flame once again? i'm so confused.

tell me -----, tell me, what should i do? what should i tink? i need to control the flame. it'll never extinguish. it'll only diminish. =(

damm! i'm spoiling my own mood. nono! today is a happy day! lex will stay happy! but only you hold that magic to put a real smile on my face. you know? ^^ alrights. night peeps! i'll spend more time with you. =) i'll rather quit what i like now to spend the best time with you. to know you more, to really match up with those ppl i heard. but...... am i thinking too much once again? =(

the flame burns. but as small as a candle lit. if you meant to give me a chance, can i make it as huge as the sun? you're the only one who holds the magic to make me who i really am.

truth

2006-08-27T16:27:00.000+08:00
mood: stress again. ><
song: somewhere only we know - keane

the truth i seek is the answer i'll find.

met bibi yesterday for awhile. finally got to see her. =) si joy say wan meet awhile in the end still ps me. *@#(@# lols! but i dun blame ni la. u are with ur future bf if u two hang out everyday like that. LOLS!

hmm. nth much either. tml is dbsy and i'm like 3% done only? GLHF lex. xD and i started audition. for fun. level 4 le. lazy play le. lols! hmmm.. bboy mode is fun just that i not used to it. si ruby meii keep pian me say play easy in the end all so hard. ZZZZ

bah~ nth much. joy u better dun ps me next time. =P will be waiting. xD lululu~ bah~ i want my mp3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honey elaine said she got her mp4. ZZZ. boo~

ok gone~

i seek the truth, i heard the lies

bah~

2006-08-24T14:59:00.000+08:00
mood: trusting
song: none

seriously i need to study. i NEED. grrrr. i just read thru some notes and i stopped damm..

outsourcing is ..... argh. forget. thats how bad it is. *@!#&@(*#

off for some naruto. and dbg?? =x i'm bringing some notes. definitely. someone, please motivate me. and grats to joshua bro for being in love once again. =) take good care of her alright? =)

hais. everyone got a hug, got a kiss. i got ignorance. thanks world

naruto, wo ai ni. =)

study break

2006-08-22T03:29:00.000+08:00
mood: fan nao
song: none

and i've really been wondering. how simple can life be? i've been thinking for days and i still cant get to a knowing why does love doesn't come easy.

have i done anything wrong? why do ppl often treat me good only when they need me but throw me aside when im of no use. am i really that bad of a person to be with? i really wonder. does my name at least pop into a person's mind when wanting to make a decision?

troubled and so many things to say. yet none gave a listening ear when i needed. am i so worthless?

this few days, i've been rather close with someone. yet someone i dun feel the security. i really wanted to try. but somehow or rather, it always turn out to be i'm the fault and stuff. i guess its fated to be alone for this holiday le. hais..

till den. nights world..

DONE`

2006-08-18T05:19:00.000+08:00
Mood: Relieved!
Song: I Never Told You What I Did - My Chemical Romance

FINALLY! i'm done with my projects! all of them! and its just the submission now! finally! so shagged now. i need a hug and a kiss to energise. MUHAHAHA! guess no one listens to my rants anyway. so i wont waste my breathe!

off ta bed! but before that i'll be changing my blog song and my friendster song. MUAHAHA! i feel so relieve la! thanks honey elaine and xiaotoot for being here for me to see me thru this period. happy belated bday NICHOLAS! and thanks everyone for helping me in my projects! love you guys to bits! ^^

nights world!

the one who wishes the most for something often doesnt get it in the end.

project week 2

2006-08-17T04:05:00.000+08:00
mood: tired
song: none

a short update. left with last project. somehow managed to squeeze out my CMSK3 report and STMD project. dunno how i do it either. now left with the last one, INMM. headache. thursday is last day to do le. really hope nth goes wrong. still alot bugs. i'm feelin oh so tired can! ><

sleeping at 5.30 on tues morning and 7am on wed morning. guess today i can sleep after i post which is like 4am now. 2hrs of sleep per day really is bad. >< come on! by this fri! i can be so much more relax! >< HAHAS!

i wonder why my curse doesnt change. its always bu xi huan der que xi huan wo. xi huan de que bu xi huan. i'm so headache lahs. but i told my fren. i may just dun be so choosy i guess. hais.. wei she me ne? hmm..

oh well. need to get my sleep. =) and i really hope i'm attached can. after such a hectic term, i can go on holiday with my girl. damm. but it doesn't seems to be coming true. oh well. lex has no yuan fen.

nights world.

2 more days of hell, 1 more week of study, 1 month + of break coming up. =)

project week

2006-08-14T05:07:00.000+08:00
mood: heavy
song: none (huming tomorrow in my mouth)

project submission week coming. hectic week. i'm like not even halfway done through my projects. i hope i can make it in time. STMD and esp INMM is killing me. i'm feeling oh so stress and tired now. >< just finished my CMSK3 report. hope its enough to pass or smth. but somehow or rather i tink i did great. xD

oh well. shant say much. need my sleep. ^^ gosh. i hope this week pass nice and smooth sia. may someone watch over me. i need someone to motivate me! >< hahas!

hope by this holiday i maybe able to find wad i'm looking for. really need a nice holiday. chee keen going to japan during september. hope my parents allow. ^^ its my dream to go japan though. hahas! alright, bolster here i come!

toodles world~ =D

am i thinking too much again? the higher the expectation, the greater the fall, the more painful it hurts, the deeper the scar, the longer it drags, the more regret we'll feel. thats chain effect.

regretted

2006-08-13T03:25:00.000+08:00
mood: regretful
song: Eternal Blaze - Nana (Top Pick)

how many times you've regretted after letting go of any opportunity that comes in like one out of a zillion chance? today comes and yesterday went. it all happened in that split of time that you let go of that chance. somehow i really regret now because of how stupid i can be. i know i lack in self confidence and stuff. but somehow i still feel lousy. will i ever see her again? i told ma friends if i ever get to see her again, i'll surely not let the chance blow by again. but will i? i feel lousy. oh well. blame it on my lack of self confidence or whatsoever. =(

i've decided to type my words nicely. so i'll try to cut down on "lyk" or "noe" and stuff. =) last thing to rant. why will people only treasure once they lose it? do they treat people for granted? i really cannot stand people who does that to me. do i look like some push thing that when you want my help, you treat me good. when i'm of no usage you just push me away as if i owe you money? everytime i told myself to forgive and forget these things. but somehow everyone's giving me that attitude. what more can i do? i have feelings too. soft-hearted? maybe. but trust me. i have my limitations too. be glad i can endure well.

i swear upon if i ever get to see you. even if rejection, i'll still make a decision i won't regret. =)

sick and tired

2006-08-12T02:58:00.000+08:00
mood: not good
song: eternal blaze - nana

fuck it. i had enough. u lyk to play on me? sometimes nice sometimes bad. so be it. dun come looking for me when u need help either again. i'm sick and tired. now tell me wad did i do? out of nowhere u just pop out, i hate you, go away!

fuck it. tell me wad i did wrong at least before u block eh? and since you block, i have no hestitation to keep u in my list either. if thats wad u wan, so be it. i hate it when people PMS straight on me.

yeah. wadever. lex is unreasonable. lex is bad. wadever. it doesn't pays to be good anyway.

wad's good being good?

love

2006-08-10T02:14:00.000+08:00
mood: cranky
song: Stole - Kelly Rowland

NOVEMBER BABY

Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous.
Wild at times.
Knows how to have fun.
Sexy and mysterious.
Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality.
Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes.
Meets new people easily and very social in a group.
Fearless and independent. Can hold their own.
Stands out in a crowd.
Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month.

oh well. got this off some mail. bah~ wth. i'm bored. I BLOODY SCREWED UP MY FRENCH SPEAKING TEST!

zzz.. when i pulled the topic out of the bag. i knew i'm dead. fuck. i understand the question the tcher ask. dunno how to reply. looks lyk 2 CDS for next sem. thanks ah lex. so much for working on the other topics. fuck..

lulu~ happy bday to knnth on 08/08/06, happy national day to singapore on 09/08/06. yeah. thats all i'm wishing here. damm. i need to get nic's prezzie soon! >< but projects are piling up! my game and picture gallery is enuff to kill me. ZZZ! and STMD.. ZZZ (@W*#(@)#@

hais.. went mad in arcade today. 09/08/06. now headache. ZZZ. i played ddr on a pull up position. using butt to hit the back step. played crazy songs on DM. caught the onihime ending with 101 combo. bahs~ and i'm feeling cranky now. everyone's got their girl/boy at least a target or close to become tgt le. CEPT ME! damm. everyone's happy and stuff. but i'm cursed or smth. suan le. hais. no fate bahs. not time lex not time. let things flow smooth. i told myself.. hais...

pepper lunch soon i hope. i miss the hamburget steak meal. >< ARGH! FUCK. off to bed. still cranky. hais...

2006-08-07T02:30:00.000+08:00
mood: stress
song: Tunak Tunak Tun - Daler Mehni

lols. this song is so cute can. hahas! and its nice! bollywood song does rocks at times. xD no discrimation can! kruk kruk! xD but i wonder why is this song call tunak tunak tun. LOLS!

ah. my life is following in a circle pattern. and i'm freaking sick of it. damm! i hope the holidays come soon. but first. so many projects due. hais. i'm kinda sick of poly life le. its tough. i hate studying lahs! the projects are fun. but too short time to finish and some are fucking hard. wads up with the better scenary den quality for stmd? ZZZZ... i rather have a good quality not nice scenary sia. >< nice scenary still must go find. hais... oh well.. too bad. hu ask me take this course. ><

bah~ the most wtf competition i've ever seen. enjoy if u can. this is how bo liao americans can get sometimes. ZZZZ.

Click here!

bah~ STMD, CMSK, INMM to be handed in lyk 2 weeks time? damm. i need to buck up! and tues is french speaking test! ARGH! think i'm gonna fail this term's cds liaos. fucking shit. ZZZ AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! i wan a changed life! i wan to hug! i want to kiss! =x BAHS~ lex is crazy. 2 years really seems lyk a long time for a scorpio to remain single i guess. hais... tell me. wad to do. T.T

"she has been torturing him all this while because she loved him" - cai jing. =x LOLS! her torturing meant to be tolerating. LOLS!

wonder

2006-08-05T03:27:00.000+08:00
mood: just me
song: shining ray - One Piece

[ EDIT - LINKS ARE UP FOR DOWNLOAD 05/08/2006 11:20 ]

really nth to blog recently. hmm. lols! just same old normal life.. exams coming. project submission. 2 down, 4 more to go. ZZZ~~ seriously, i look forward to my holidays! damm! i need a break! *@#*@(#@) hais... or rather i tink i need a girl. bah~ rants again. lulu~

si ruby meii. lols! i juz feel lyk saying this. =P wahahahas! anyhow post things de. tsk tsk tsk~! LOLS!

aiya. fuck it. really nth to blog. shall go sleep. ZZZ and n-ninja is really a fun game. xD its a simple flash prog only and its so hard to pass. if you all would like to play this game, you can d/l from here. as usual. 7 days or 100 d/ls and no more. your comp needs to support .swf file though. get a flash player from here if you dun have. enjoy peeps. =)) its hard and needs lots of patience. but its fun and challenging! ^^

yay. nights world. off to bed. sorry guys. link down. will upload like tmr? thanks for the patience if you guys are interested to d/l. anyway, i got a feeling no one reads so. yeah. LOLS!

wake me up from this endless dream. my trilogy

opposite

2006-08-02T08:21:00.000+08:00
mood: deep thinking
song: i do - 98 degrees

when asked what is the opposite of black? one can give white as quickly as a finger snap. however when asked again. what is the opposite of red? one will ponder. its the same question but different variable. is opposite really that complicated? how i wonder.

deep in thoughts, thinking of wad i've done so far. realised how shallow my works are. i guess reality slaps harder than a physical moment. time to wake up and look at the world.. lex..

ciao~

if you cared, you would have cared